I hope you are well.
I know women can be inquisitive and ‘usually’ read more than men; which would mean, you may have already read my ‘Just for men’ post.
As with the men on SM, especially Twitter, it’s my observation that women display similar frustrations and ‘seemingly’, a search for answers…well the brave and the honest do.
With the exception of the female life & relationship coaches, or those who know a thing or two about men.
Relationship based tweets are usually posted by single women, born from the mid 1980s onwards.
They are usually the women who (unlike those born in 1980 or before) don’t have any reservations in letting everything all hang out on SMPs like Twitter.
Obviously, there are always exceptions, however, for those who have an ‘opinion’ and I know all women do, this post is a good place to share, under your regular email or an anonymous one.
While there are those who obviously know what they are talking about, I do have a view concerning ‘some’ of those, who give relationship advice, especially concerning the opposite sex.
However, in not wanting to sound salty, or throw any shade, like many of the ‘maturer’ women on Twitter, I’ll keep certain opinions to myself.
However, I will say, I fully understand why so many are perpetually single.
As with the men, when tweeting on relationships, I do wonder, if the girls and women, are looking for answers, or if it’s rhetorical click-bait, to shock and receive likes and new followers.
It’s a ridiculous notion to claim that members of the opposite sex cannot assess or have a view on each other.
It would seem bias comes into play, with people only accepting ‘assessments’ from people, they ‘like’.
Some of us men are very observant, we can discern, we know how to communicate effectively and have mastered the art of listening.
While I’m not professing to have the wisdom of Solomon, or the resources he had, to keep 1,000 women occupied; I believe I ask the right questions.
Sadly, having been brought up by a young single mother, on a positive note, I was able to develop a good relationship with her, as I was growing up, feeling free to ask her questions and stretch my EQ from an early age. Well she is only 17 years older than me.
For us men, our mums being the first lady in our lives (until we get married) are the starting foundations for how we view women and it’s a very important relationship for mothers to get right.
Having aunts, as well as my brother and I (me being the eldest) living with 5 sisters, I was able to observe the emotional and psychological differences within females at home, in comparison to my female friends, in the educational establishments I attended and places I worked.
Those of us who are very present in the lives of our children, don’t ‘actively’ parent because we want a medal, we do it out of love and because it’s the right thing to do.
There are very good reasons why Yeshua instructed Males & Females to solidify their relationship in marriage and come together as parents to build a family, bring up children and build strong communities. It takes a village.
I spoke about young men needing their fathers, however, it could be argued that many of the issues facing young women, also stem from absentee fathers.
Men shouldn’t be ‘awarded’ to do the basics, for being there for their wife and children but it’s nice for us active men to be acknowledged in the conversation about parenting.
Occasionality, it would be nice to hear, “There are men who take their responsibilities, as a parents seriously.” rather than hearing the sweeping generalisation that all men are only interested in the creating process.
We are here, we do exist and we are active participants in the lives of our children.
To date, I have daughters aged 25, 22 and 13 all having their own unique personalities.
Being happily married, and additionally ‘occasionally’ schooled (by my wife) in certain areas of womanhood, while I may not always fully understand everything, I’m aware of what affects women and the pressures (some self-inflicted) that women go through.
We can never prepare our children and train them for every single eventuality they may encounter, it’s near on impossible.
However, we can put aside our embarrassment and at the appropriate times in their life, according to their level of maturity, really share and explain, things which will be beneficial to them in the future.
Giving young adults (male and female) the building blocks necessary, to naturally tackle many of life’s challenges.
I was determined, I did not want my daughters to grow up with any deep-rooted father issues.
It can be trying at times, with daughters, they can take their lead from external influences in their most influential years.
Those external sources, sadly, come from broken homes and usually (as with the boys) when ‘they’ should be the influencers and leaders, due to having a stable home life.
They can retreat into their shells and follow the lead of those (who have the loudest voices and biggest mouths) with the most emotional and spiritual issues.
Whether it’s believed and accepted, or not, Yeshua placed two genders on this planet for good reasons.
Biologically, physically, spiritually, sexually and emotionally, both sexes, male & female are needed to conceive and correctly bring up children.
Mankind, in liking to complicate life, for the longest time, has tried to disprove that truth.
However, if we take a few steps back and look at society (on the whole) we can see that the moment we move away from this divine principle, we bring a spiralling, butterfly, knock on affect, world of trouble, on our doorsteps and into our lives.
Some points, in no particular order…
Women never forget, obviously, while not all women want to (out of choice) or can have children (for a variety of medical reasons), in general, you are created to be the doorway to this world, for mankind, i.e. males and females.
The words in the image above highlight that truth and will also give ‘all wise women’ an indicator as to what they are up against in this world and the reasons why you are feared and revered in almost equal measure.
Never underestimate your importance in this world, no matter what insecure men, societies and cultures have to negatively say.
In general but especially in certain cultures, women have enough to deal with in this world.
Don’t make it extra difficult for yourself by joining or aligning yourself, with certain religious/political groups which are oppressive and have an anti-woman foundation, culture, ethos or doctrine.
Many want to hypocritically subject women to differing standards and subjugate women.
Some actually want to replace women, in their spaces, making what is already a difficult pathway for women to travel, even more difficult to navigate, perpetrated by confused, envious or insecure men. Or women who, to their own detriment, hate being women.
While it’s admirable and shows strength, when a woman is let down by a man and has to bring up a child/children on her own.
It is not and should never be viewed as the norm.
Women, if you find yourself in that situation, never incorrectly teach your daughter(s) that men are dispensable.
Displaying and verbalising that belief, sets the incorrect emotional and mental foundations and is detrimental to helping your daughters preparation, to become a good partner and wife.
It also gives men an out, when your sons see that men are not needed, you could be helping to repeat historical negative patterns, for both your sons and daughters.
Not every individual is made to have or be in a relationship and marriage.
As with men, there is no shame in remaining in the family home, being single and living life on your terms.
Assisting others, working for others, building your own business, charities or travelling as and when you choose to, without having to consider a partners needs.
If you are maturing, serious about getting out of the family home and into your own, serious about having a quality relationship and marriage.
You have to show and prove that in your actions, especially in how you date and who you decide to date.
Understand and know the difference between a boy and a man, it’s not always age dependant and is definitely not based on height or earnings.
It doesn’t make sense to ridicule a single man, for doing the right thing, by staying in his family home, working hard and saving.
While having a relationship with a man already in a relationship/marriage, because he has the finances to buy you things.
The joke is not the single man who is still at home, the joke is the
woman ‘girl’ who is dating the man already in a relationship.
Women, If you are interested in a mature serious relationship, leading to marriage.
Be strong enough to stand independently with God, while being soft enough to allow yourself to be loved and to love a worthy man.
Don’t compare yourself to others, especially if you work hard.
Now more than ever, it’s wise to think about longer term goals, where finance is concerned.
There is no shame in living as Yeshua originally intended, staying in the family home until both you and your husband to be, saves enough to rent or purchase your own home.
Don’t allow ridicule from the ignorant, to force you into situations which will only add more financial pressure.
Women, don’t allow modernity to push you into making poor relationship choices and mistakes.
Yes, women have physical needs too but a real man appreciates the truth, that he must ‘find’ you and will be willing to do the work.
As long as you’re not being unnecessarily difficult, real men appreciate having to pursue and value what takes time to cultivate.
Women, whether he was there for you or not, you already have a biological dad.
Don’t look for a man to be an additional or replacement ‘daddy’.
The 1-20% who have the financial wealth to pay for everything, usually already have a partner(s).
Be aware of the men with vision, hard working men who are secure in themselves, who are looking for a ‘partner’, not to be your second or replacement dad.
They will be the men ready to build with you, allowing you to shine, in your own right, in a strong relationship and marriage.
Both men and women need to understand, if you are adamant you have a ‘type’ and you are single for a long time, or cannot consistently maintain a relationship.
You obviously need to take a honest look at yourself and realise there is a big difference between wants and needs.
Understanding an accepting that truth, that needs are more important, will give you a better opportunity to find ‘the one’.
Younger women should find mentors, look for older women in good solid relationships.
Study those women, they are not all in a marriage with the 1-20% financially wealthy.
The men are not all tall like volley or basketball players.
The wiser younger woman will quickly realise that mature women, while obviously wanting to be attracted to their partners/husbands do not allow their decisions to be led by aesthetics.
Women, be aware that women outnumber men 2/3 – 1 on this planet.
It’s not a reason to try alternatives but should serve as a reminder to be more realistic and balanced when looking at your requirements for a good husband and possible father.
Look for good character, someone with sound faith and good values, which you share.
With the 2/3 – 1 female to male ratio in mind, it’s important to be aware that sadly, some men’s mental, emotional, sexual and physical attraction have been altered.
Men (in general) maybe physically stronger but Yeshua has blessed women with strengths in endurance, mental and emotional strengths.
Your curves and shape are not by accident, most men are naturally attracted to you, there is no need to desperately put yourselves in serious negative situations.
Boys may not mind other men desiring and lusting after their partners but mature men do not.
Please bear this in mind when thinking about how you dress and carry yourself.
Men who don’t mind other men desiring their women, are usually also desiring other women, single or attached.
One of your the strengths of a woman is your natural God-given discernment, whether you call it female intuition or gut feeling.
Please do not ignore the warning signs when presented, it could help you to avoid a possible abusive relationship and the regrets which come with it.
The majority of women who find themselves regretting a relationship, calling men bastards, sons of a female dog or other derogatory names, are usually those who did not take heed to the warning signs.
Women born after 1985 tend to be much more vocal and bold about their sexual needs.
They may have similar sex drives to older women but it seems they are more ‘up for it’, due to how often and how open they discuss their needs.
Unless your conscience is complete eroded, please understand that sex does have different consequences for women as it does for men and you will feel that.
Women are the receivers, for most women, there are emotional, spiritual and sometimes physical repercussions for having sex with a man who has not committed to a long-term relationship and marriage.
Men have to take more responsibility and accountability, exercising more self-control, however, women, have the power to say no and to say wait and should take accountability too, by saying no and wait more often.
One young guy recently tweeted, asking why women look more attractive on their periods.
I responded, reminding him that, although we now mostly look at the fun and recreational side of sex. It’s initial and main function is for pro-creation.
Women just before, during and just after ovulation, are more attractive, to us men, women’s most fertile periods of the month also increases men’s sex drive.
It’s also the time when the most poor choices (about sex) are made (by both males and females) and that’s why women need to take a step back and think.
As hard as it maybe, with all the surges of hormones, the picking up of compatible DNA from men, women really need to exercise strength in these periods and really think about their decisions.
If more men and women did this, especially if more women exercised their power to say no or not yet, imagine how many sad, emotionally painful and unnecessary trips to a clinic, hospital or doctors surgery, would be prevented/avoided.
Women, you can be a mix of complex contradictions at times, you easily claim and embrace the beauty of sisterhood and all it’s benefits.
On one hand having fragile egos, not accepting rejection well, which is why men should pursue women.
However, women can also be full of ego and a spirit of competition, sometimes actively pursuing men in relationships, while dismissing the sisterhood, on the grounds that if the man is not happy, it’s fair game.
Remember to treat others as you would want to be treated, even if you don’t believe in a sisterhood. Don’t go out of your way to boost your ego, assisting the greedy man, by accepting his advances or pursuing a distracted man, in a screwed up notion of your superior sexual attractiveness over his partner/wife. A girl will do this, a mature and responsible woman would understand and avoid this situation.
Studies have shown that women’s sexual physiology and thought processes are more varied and different to men’s.
Women, if you want to keep your mind off of sex, to utilise your energy for your work, your vision or to build your business.
Masturbation, manually or with toys, is not the way to go.
Females masturbating leads to more masturbation, more thoughts about sex and more of a readiness and willingness to be more indiscriminate in choosing to have sex with someone.
To remain focused and centred, avoid masturbation and utilise your sexual energy to positively work towards your goals.
In this day and age, it’s harder for men to have a stable financial base, they want both men and women to ‘singularly’ selfishly focus on money.
They don’t want you to find love, have families and build communities.
Now more than ever, it’s important to be smart and think about how you spend and what you spend your money on.
Prioritising essentials, limiting waste and unnecessary spending will help you in the long run.
The way to work around a system that favours the 1-20% is to create unity within communities.
More women need to be speaking to others about positive and constructive means to be ready (if they choose) to date seriously for marriage and build a life together with the right mature guy.
I believe like does attract like, if single adults are more vocal about the right things, they will attract others in their circles (offline and online) who feel the same.
Many are using humour and sex as a means of escapism from many of life’s harsh realities.
However, that is leading to many continuing a lot of unnecessary negative generational trends. STDs, sexual abuse, abortions, children having children, single parents, broken communities, financial strain and poverty, soft and hard prostitution, sugar daddies and mamas, people stealing from each other, both sexes abusing each other, paedophilia and more.
These can be avoided but they do take a determined group of people to start a positive trend and stick to it.
To stay emotionally and mentally balanced, it’s important to embrace and love yourself, without the arrogance, just positive self care.
Your standard of beauty and self worth shouldn’t be dictated by the media (MM or SM) or big business.
Embrace your natural beauty, build your quadrant and learn how to be happy from within.
This is also where a spiritual relationship with Yeshua, helps, to resist the materialism and all the external things which can cause others to be depressed, due to a lack or excess.
As with the men, look after your health (what you eat and drink) and fitness, they will be important, not only for your longevity but also to give yourself the best possible chance of conceiving and having healthy children.
As I said in the just for men post.
The above, are just some of the points I’m covering in the book (For Singles and Couples ©) which is one of my 3 current works in progress.
Nothing happens by accident, you were led here by seeing a link on Twitter, a search engine result or receiving a link from someone who cares about you.
I have a passion for people (not just my children) living their best lives, especially concerning relationships.
If you are born before 1984, you can view me as a brother who is able to give you friendly and wise advice.
If you are born after 1984, you can look at me as a father-figure or uncle (whichever you more feel comfortable with) who is here to give you wise advice and guidance, sharing the benefit of my experience, to assist you in making the best possible decisions for yourself.
Either way, I’m also here for the women who want to learn and grow, not only to show and grow but to learn myself, we should never stop learning.
Leave your comments below, openly or anonymously and also let me know, if you would like to chat via email. We can also connect via Twitter.
Thank you for reading.
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Enjoy the rest of the week.
Watiwa Mtoto wa Yeshua
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