I’m processing right now and taking a moment to share some thoughts.
I’ve been working on chapters of the book(s), specifically looking at the parenting side of life as well as ethnicity and colour.

I’ve written about my lack of relationship with both my dad and ex-step dad and I’ve also mentioned the relationship I’ve had with Lois’ parents over the years.
There are obviously times and seasons for everything, to be born and to die.
The irony is, today is my dad’s 69th/70th birthday, but we have also heard news that my father-in-law collapsed and died today.

The family is obviously shaken by the tragedy, especially considering my mother-in-law has been bed-ridden with an inability to speak properly, since May 2016.
I have a bag of mixed feelings right now and obviously Lois even more so, we are deeply sad, as we see the bigger picture.
Some could rightly say, he had a long-life (he was 86) and was a humorous and active hard working man for most of his life, until the physical health issues started to wear him down.
I’ve known him for the last 29 years, we’ve had our laughs, agreements and disagreements, but being his first son-in-law, I felt comfortable enough to call him dad, shortly before being married to his youngest daughter.

The last time we saw him was four months ago, back in February at a funeral, he looked tired and slow but having arthritic pain will do that to a person of senior years.
Since then, we wouldn’t have been able to see him, even if we wanted to, due to the lock-down.
Our disagreements, although documented, were water under a bridge for me, I get what I have to say said, forgive and move on.
I was able to have a decent enough catch up conversation with him at the funeral.

We are sad, not only at his passing and him no longer being around to see his grand and great grand children grow up.
Lady G and I are mainly sad because he was a man who struggled with the issue of forgiveness and God forgiving people who he thought should ‘pay’.
Back in March 2016, we passed by one evening to see them and I was led to talk ‘again’ (as others have) to both him and Mrs W about their souls and salvation, especially being people of senior years.
I reminded them of the obvious, they were getting older and they didn’t know what could happen or when they will pass.
My mother-in-law, who usually has a lot to say, was silent, when I asked her what prevents her from opening her heart, accepting Jesus Christ as her Lord and Saviour and getting baptised in His name.
Her response was a shrug of shoulders, the shaking of her head and a mumble, she couldn’t give me a straight answer.
Two months later she suffered a stroke, couldn’t speak properly and it was the start of consecutive mini strokes and repeated trips and stays in the hospital.
My father-in-law, had a lot to say, as I said, he struggled (as many do) with the issue of forgiveness and carried an emotional under-current of anger.
He didn’t think God should easily forgive, without severe punishments, the:-
* Europeans for hundreds of years of the enslavement of Africans in Europe, America and the Caribbean.
* Europeans for the treatment of the Native original people of the land in America.
* Europeans for creating apartheid in South Africa.
* The Brits for their treatment of the original people of Australia, the Aborigines.
My father-in-law also incorrectly (as many do) mixed up religion and the corruptive, selective using of the Bible, with a true Relationship and a way of life with Jesus Christ.

When I tried to explain the difference, the importance that none will escape punishment and the need for repentance and salvation (to escape), his response was… “I have a few things to say to Jesus and I’ll take my chances”.
While I was surprised and worried for him at his brash boldness of words, as I always do, I respected him for sharing his truths; I’m always about honest communication, whether I agree or not.

So 4 years and a few months later, after telling me ‘he’ll take his chances’, he has now journeyed to find out.
Lois and I are devastated about that, as we always are, when people we know pass away without receiving the salvation of Yeshua Adonai.
We are sad that there will be no more historical stories of his journey to the “mother land” and his good and bad experiences of being in Britain since the 1950s.
We are sad that his jokes will no longer be heard by the family but as I said, more importantly, we are sad that he has passed without being saved.

I’ve shared my thoughts here as I can make a calculated guess that I will not be asked to say anything by Lois’ elder siblings.
I obviously care about how they are feeling and have prayed for all of them.
We will be visiting tomorrow and the irony is, in having a recent conversation with her eldest sister, if this sad and serious event didn’t happen, they would probably not want us to come round, due to the sensitive state of mums condition and their concerns over Covid.

Life is brief and fleeting, if we are fortunate, look after ourselves and Yeshua spares and allows, we could live a maximum of 120 years.
Sadly, so many don’t even get to middle age (60) also the biggest tragedy of all, so many lives have passed without accepting salvation.
I hope and pray that you have accepted the call and adhered to it.

June…It’s also the month of my queen and 1st princesses birthdays, it’s the month my paternal grandmother passed away (4 years ago) and its now become the month my father-in-law, Mr W, aka dad, has passed.

May Yeshua Adonai comfort, strengthen and minster to all who grieve and may those who have not taken on His name in baptism and the fullness of His Spirit, do so, while they can.

Blessings to you all.

Phil Gayle
G Man

Please read References :-
The Gospel according to John Chapter 3 verses 1 to 8

The Book of Acts Chapter 2 verses 38 & 39

The Book of Acts Chapter 4 verse 12

Paul’s Letter to the Colossians Chapter 3 verse 17

Related Post:-
Never Alone


  1. Hello, Brother Phil! Wow what a sobering post! Thanks for sharing your pain your joy your sorrow praying for a brighter tomorrow! Jesus makes all things new. All we have to do is trust in Christ! God bless you!

      • Hi Phil

        Thank you for a beautifully written sincere message, I sense coming from a place of love and sadness for your Father in law.

        Having lost my father due to a stroke last year April then suffering from vascular dementia within months he was gone. I understand the sadness you are encountering especially when the gospel of Christ has been shared to a loved one on many occasion(s) and you can sense there is no verbal acceptance of Christ.
        Yourself and Lois shared the gosple and prayed intensely i believe for you Father in law, there was nothing more you both could of done….as you fully know God has given us a free will, and God will have the final say.
        And Phil, sometimes we just have to lay our deceased loved ones into God hands, and try not to worry about their final enternal desternation.

        Love and the peace of God
        May God strengthen you and your family at this sad time.

        • Hi Mary,
          Well sis, you know.
          I can’t add much to what you’ve rightly said.
          I hope I haven’t given the impression that I lose sleep or am distressed.
          Yes I am obviously sad in these situations but I accept that everyone has the ability to exercise choice.
          At the end of the day, only Yeshua knows who’s who but in a lot cases it is blatantly obvious.
          Thanks for sharing and your words of Love.
          Much Love.xx

  2. First I would like to say; as always my thoughts and prayers are with Lady G and you. Many want to pray for the ones that have past on which is now to late. Many confuse the relationship with the religion. It’s a warriors duty to share the truth and I say you did. God left of us with the free will. We have choices in our lives. Living here on Earth we may make wrong choices and have to correct along the way. However our eternal life; the choice has been made. We have a soul that was created and will remain; that is not a choice, it will happen. The choice however where we will spend it is entirely up to us.

    Thank you for sharing this and I pray someone will read this, it will spark something in their heart and that they will come to us with questions.

    Everything does happen for a reason but there is no reason to never know Jesus. Why would anyone ever want to take the chance with their eternal life, is beyond me.

    I myself received a text just the other day from a friend who asked me. “Amanda, why in the world would anyone not believe there is a God?” My reply was simple. “They know not the truth.” After reading this it has given me the rest of the answer, which is written. They know, yet they harden their heart.

    Much love to you and Lady G during this time. May all peace and blessings come to you during this time of grief for others. A time that should be joyous.


    • Hi Amanda,
      Thanks for sharing truth sis and thanks for your words of Love.
      I’ve passed them onto Lois and she appreciates them.
      I totally agree with you, on all you said.
      The praying for the dead, is a man-made religious thing, which has no Biblical esp New Covenant foundation whatsoever.
      The time for prayer and truth telling is while people are alive.
      Your conversation with your friend is similar to one I have with my loved ones.
      2 questions I constantly ask, 1 In the times we live in, how can anyone bring up children without Jesus?
      The 2nd you mentioned, how can people live and go to the grave without knowing Him.

      I know it’s a matter of choice and whether or not, when Truth is presented, we actually accept the love of the Truth.
      Whenever anyone dies outside of Salvation, I’m always sad and deeply concerned for the stubborn (who still live) who refuse to accept the Love of Jesus.
      I sigh but thank God in all things.
      Much Love sis. xx

  3. Hey brutha , My condolences 1st & foremost. Losing a loved 1 is 1 of thebroughest things ever! It’s harder when you know the odds of seeing them again once we’re called home are slim. I don’t want to be too long winded but I saw your post on Twitter & realized I haven’t been as cognitive of certain things as I should & after all you’ve done I apologize but you have my prayers

    • Hi Deep,
      Thanks for your words of love bro.
      You’re right, I’m sad that I won’t be spending eternity with a lot of people I know but it’s down to personal choice.

      Listen bro, I know many are dealing with their own “stuff”, I understand.
      I appreciate the sub, the comment and the apology, it’s refreshing to hear and feel the genuine care.
      There is no hard feelings from me, let’s just keep encouraging each other.
      Have a good evening Deep.

  4. The Lord Jesus Christ have the power:
    The power to forgive and mend broken hearts.
    You know the way the TRUTH and the light and therefore you can only tell the truth. I know exactly how you are both feeling my Son but as you said and it is written there’s a time for every thing.
    God is in control as we know ‘ God alone put the breadth of life in all things.
    I often say to people tomorrow belongs to no one’ And no one can be sure what tomorrow will bring well’ This is a living example.
    You both have humility enough to forgive or ask for forgiveness. also you understand the importance of a personal relationship with your Creator are the most Important thing as you live and breathe.
    Encouraging each other and keep unity among yourselves .
    Blessings and peace to you Lois and the In-laws..

    • Yes Mother G.
      I totally agree with your words.
      We try our best and are often met with misunderstandings, whether it be from religious folk or the acknowledgers and unbelievers we know.
      Always grateful to know and have fellow “relationship followers” as our friends and family.
      Thanks for your prayers and words of love mother.
      Much Love.xx

  5. I should have so much to say…many words to offer because I know this pain of parental loss very well, but reading your well written, beautifully expressed sentiments have me in tears and trying to gather up all the scattered words to make somewhat constructive sentences of deep sympathy.
    All my heart has to convey is I’m so sorry for y’all great loss and it saddens me to think that he may not be spending eternity with Our Lord…no believer want that for their loved one. I know your wife heart is hurting…deep sigh…and I pray she (and you) allow Time to take its time with you throughout the days ahead and the ones she will walk on her heart healing journey.
    In His Awesome Love,

    • Good morning Tammy.
      Thanks for taking the time to share.
      I can feel your words are heart-felt and sincere.
      We all process grief differently, I’m grateful that there’s understanding from those “who know”.
      It is what it is for dad, we had a ‘unique’ relationship.
      Lois, like her siblings, are talkers but process many things gradually and internally, I like to share and talk about most things.
      Thanks for your love Tammy.
      Try to have a good day. xx

  6. We try so hard to get our loved ones to listen to the Gospel and believe. To say Yes! I do believe Jesus is God in the flesh and I need Jesus to save me and forgive me for every sin I have comitted.

    Well, it’s not that easy. Relatives and others say I’m not ready, too many things I want to do, or I still have time.

    My only daughter (fortyish) who I love dearly is living in a sinful relationship with a man. She says, I don’t believe in God. Now that I’m grown I have my own opinions and beliefs about religion. I don’t want to marry. It’s s my life and my house so, I can do whatever I want.

    My husband supports how she feels. Therefore, I gave both of them to the Lord for the Holy Spirit to finish the work. Yes I am sad and broken. But, I think about Jesus.

    He said the world hated Him, and they will hate you, too.
    Count it all joy!

    • Good morning Teri,
      I hear you and fully understand sis.
      Yes, we try because we love and care.
      Things are not perfect for us either, we have a similar situation with our eldest son.
      We obviously love them but due to our “true beliefs”, we can’t be happy or condone behaviour and activities which are contrary to the Word of Yeshua.
      As you know, we can’t make or force anyone to do anything, especially concerning true belief, that has to come from the heart of an individual.
      All we can hope is that they find their way to ‘The’ Way, ‘Truth’ and real ‘Life’ before it’s too late.
      Have a good day sis.
      Much Love. xx

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