Hi, I hope you are well.
Thanks for visiting the For Singles And Couples Blog.
Please allow me to share some history and process some thoughts as I write.
You may be able to relate, you may not, as always, if you feel led to share, please leave your comments at the end of the post.
I’m the eldest of my dads 3 children and his only son.
My dad’s start to life wasn’t a good one, he in fact, didn’t know much but shared what he knew, when I questioned him about it.
I also didn’t get much from my gran, when I made my enquiries, as (like my mum in that aspect) I’m a person who likes to know, to ask questions and understand where people are coming from.
I know the Parish he was born in, that he was a relation to the very large and prominent Gayle family of Jamaica.
However, from the pieces of information I gathered, he was an illegitimate son, my grandma having been with an already married, Mr Rupert (I think that was his first name) Gayle.
As you can imagine, I have no idea what my grandad looked like, it was rumoured he moved to the USA for a while and I don’t know if he is still alive, dead, in the USA or Jamaica.
When my gran answered the so-called Commonwealth call to ‘come and work in mother England’. To make things easier for herself, she let my dad stay with with my great grandmother who also came to England.
The Genesis point for my dad, him not knowing much about his dad and dealing with separation from his mum had deep psychological and emotional affects on him.
He grew up and went to school (like my mum) in the Finsbury Park area of Islington, North London and got together with my mum, in his mid-late teens.
I’ve mentioned this a few times, they had me when she had just turned 17 and he was 19 going on 20.
Two kids with a kid, who didn’t have a clue, obviously creating even more pressure on him.
Before my sister was born, his mental health was severely affected, not letting go of his past hurts, feeling that he was owed something and angry with a God, who he did/did not believe in.
Both he and my mum tried to build a relationship again, had my sister, then things fell apart.
By then, he had developed schizophrenia and yet, later, was still able to meet someone else and have another daughter with her.
That relationship ended due to dads physical violent outbursts, something which neither my mum or I, ever witnessed from him.
When I was in the UK, I was the only one of dad’s 3 children who would sporadically check in on him.
I had found my other sister via the ‘Friends reunited’ website in it’s early days and after meeting her, she gave us a little bit of her history and she firmly let us know that she had no intentions of doing what I did.
I persevered with dad and his mental health conditions, I would catch him a few times, a couple of occasions he would be in but wouldn’t answer the door and other times he would be on a walkabout.
What can I say, my gran would say I’m different to my sisters because God gave me the gift of forgiveness.
Looking back, she was right, I’m a forgiving soul but as to whether it’s a gift or a choice, you will have to decided.
I got to know him as best as he would allow and was surprised that I didn’t see him at his mums (my grans) funeral back in 2016.
After making a few attempts to try to see him, I wrote to him and told him about my surprise that he didn’t attend the funeral but he didn’t respond.
In the past, did witness part of his mental condition when he wanted some money back off me, which he previously lent me, calling our house at very late hours, other than that, his meds must of kept him calm for most of our meetings.
Most people, looking at the situation (especially in him not giving any child support for my sister and I) would say that he should have given me the money but these things happen.
It was my mum who actually came up with the remainder of the money to repay him, in order to prevent any incidents kicking off with him.
So that was the nature of the man, missing from his children’s life, no contributions, getting annoyed when his eldest was slow in returning a small loan, sometimes answering the door other times not.
All of this and I still (out of love) and being a parent myself, persevered with him, not just for myself but also for him to get to know his only grandchildren, my children.
So it’s happened again, first my father-in-law now my dad, this time the news was given by my eldest daughter.
I had asked my daughters to check in with my dad and to get copies of some needed paperwork from him.
I received a call today from my eldest daughter, who told me that his place was boarded up and a neighbour had told them that there was an incident back in December 2021.
Apparently someone had broken in and there was a murder.
It turns out that the murderer was the thief and my dad was the victim.
Dad was identified by one of his few friends, who also let my daughters know that last year he wasn’t taking care of himself and drinking heavily.
I knew my dad well enough, I spent time pursuing someone who should have been pursuing me.
If our relationship was different, I would have tried to see him before I flew out but due to my severe food poisoning last year, I wasn’t in a fit state to see anyone before I left.
It’s a another blow for my paternal relatives.
Last spring, my 17 years young cousin was killed on the streets of South London, followed by my dads murder in North London, in the winter of last year.
However, what is really sad to hear, it would appear that only a handful attended his funeral and the uncle I speak to the most, his brother (who’s son was killed) didn’t even know about it.
If I could describe my emotions in one word it would be ‘disappointed’.
It’s sad because a section of his family didn’t even know he was dead.
It’s sad due to how he died, having someone violate his space and kill him.
It’s sad that his funeral went by without the rest of his family having an option to attend.
More importantly it’s sad that he didn’t accept the salvation of Yeshua, dying UN-saved.
I’m disappointed because I’ve had a few conversations with him about salvation and he always rejected.
I obviously prayed for him but this is yet another situation which I have been speaking about recently.
You may be full of faith and pray correctly but if a person simply doesn’t want to submit (because Yeshua has not chosen them) no amount of prayer is changing what God has ordained.
I wish I could say, rest in peace dad, I wish I could say my dad is in heavenly places but he didn’t take out his soul insurance.
He visited the odd church service on a Sunday, when he could be bothered, but he was just an acknowledging spectator, refusing to submit himself to Yeshua and His word.
I will get back to completing part 3 of ‘Relationship vs Religion’, which takes on an even deeper meaning and urgency for me now.
Many of us in Relationship, have relatives who have not yet submitted to what Peter the Apostle said needs to be done, to become the Church and begin our relationship with Yeshua.
In the name of Adonai Yeshua Hamashiach, I pray that the obedient chosen, get up, get out of their religion, become baptised in His name, filled with His Spirit and begin their walk with Him.
Sooner rather than later.
I’m not looking for people to pour out huge amounts of sympathy, I’m obviously sad and very disappointed, I just wanted to share my thoughts with you.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Yeshua’s blessings to you.
Watiwa Mtoto wa Yeshua
So sorry to hear of your loss. Grief and loss is a journey. God be with you. Q.
Thanks for your consideration and words Q, I appreciate it.
They most certainly are a journey.
May Yeshua be with you too.
What a story! Sorry to everyone affected. I suppose you weren’t able to pay your dad back the money he had loaned you at the time?
Were the killers apprehended and brought to justice in both homicides?
Thanks for your comment.
Yes, my dad got his loan back, he was embarrassed with his behaviour, considering his previous lack of support but he had his way of processing life.
I believe my cousins killers were caught, not being in England, I missed both his funeral and memorial this year.
My dad, fortunately was not murdered, in my update post I explained what really happened.