The marriage series – Widowers and widows

As much as I didn’t see long-term relationships and marriages on my paternal or maternal side of my relatives.
In my teens, I had a deep rooted desire to have a long-term relationship, which would ‘hopefully’ eventually turn into a marriage.
I had 4 friendships/relationships which included 1 engagement, prior to starting my relationship with Lois.
In an attempt to scare Lois (a little test) I told her that I didn’t want to be bouncing around from relationship to relationship, I wanted my next relationship to be it.
She wasn’t phased and if you ask her, she would claim she wasn’t stalking me but she felt that way (about us) before I did and before I asked her to date.

Over the years I’ve met so many people who have done the ‘marriage, divorce and re-marry’ thing but fewer Widowers and widows.
The few Widowers and Widows I’ve met, have been senior folk, who were so settled in themselves, they didn’t appear to be lonely.

Reality TV relationship shows
I’m surprised that so many individuals, on these so-called relationship reality TV shows who are 30+, who still behave like they are 19/20 and just starting out in life and relationships.
They ‘seemingly’ have not worked themselves out and haven’t spent enough time developing themselves in preparation to be someone’s life partner.
They don’t seem to realise that time waits for no one and by the time they look around the corner, they are in their 40s.
Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m a great believer that it is never too late to find another (or first) soul-mate to get married to.
As long as the individual is not a natural celibate, there is always that possibility of them getting back on the horse again.

I do have some what with the divorcees on these shows, some ‘appear’ to be serious and have learned from their mistakes.
It’s alleged that some who come on those shows are still in “situations”, still married in the separation stage etc.
I still think the relationship reality TV shows should be for individuals who have never been married and for the ‘spiritually legal’ natural divorced, i.e. Widowers and Widows.
From what I’ve seen they show more serious intentions and maturity (no matter their age) having loved and had to bury a wife or husband.
They treat life more seriously (no matter how good a sense of humour they have) realising that time is precious and short.

Play time is over
We should learn that life in general, has many highs and lows, we can’t appreciate the former without experiencing the latter.
Relationships on all levels are precious, we think we have all the time in the world to play a little game with the hope of getting serious later, but do we?
None of us know what’s around the corner, so we have to respect and cherish what we have, due to how short the days are that we now live in, with all the unknowns and uncertainties.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to date now, due to women being hypersensitive, or inflexible, or looking for a daddy not a partner, or trying to emulate the negative aspects of men’s actions (players), or being so guarded that they lose the art of honest communication or being double-minded concerning their wants/needs.
There is also the danger of spending time pursuing those who are natural celibates or those who have suppressed alternative desires.
It’s a real minefield.

Admiration
I admire those who have healed and are strong enough to go for love again, on or off camera.
I study the Widowers and Widows carefully on those shows, and know that I’m able to learn a few things from them.
They have more of a serious intention and are the ones who truly know themselves, who they are in a relationship and what they can offer.
I also admire those who are 1 and done, having an ability to be at peace with themselves getting on with life with ‘friends’ without a need (or want) to go done the relationship and marital route again.

I hope I never have to experience the loss and pray ‘if’ I do, I have the strength to go through my grieving and mourning period, being real with myself on the other side.
Yeah, it sounds selfish, but I don’t want to be left behind.
A friend of ours jokes that she will be going the same time as her husband.
While I understand the reasons for the joke, in all seriousness, I would rather go first for a number of reasons.

It’s obviously, an unknown area for me and one I hope I never have to experience.
However, knowing how I am, if I do, I will probably exercise one of my best healing methods and that is to write about the experience.
A book I hope I never have to write.

Phil Gayle
Watiwa Mtoto wa Yeshua
G Man

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