On the second of July, Lois and I reached our 28th year of marriage but have been together for 31 years.
Back in 2012, when we were winding down our failing I.T. company and I was given the vision and inspiration to set up FSAC (For Singles And Couples).
When I spoke to my dearly departed friend Lucas, about it, he initially had a hard time accepting the name as is.
Due to his then, religious programming, he would always call it ‘for singles and married couples’.
He took a while to drop the religion and fully embrace relationship but we assisted him to do so, which included sharing the reasons for the FSAC name and him understanding the reasoning.
Lois and I came into Christendom together and although some doubted whether or not we would last, grow together and get married, we did.
I remember what little help there was for couples to transition from dating, maybe even living together, to elevating their relationships to marriage, especially in the religious Christian circles we were in.
Keeping things in context, necessary pre-reading.
To gain a greater understanding of what I’m about to share in this series, it’s important that you read the following, before continuing with this and the proceeding posts in the series.
“An extended introduction”, “Homosexuality… “ and “I’m sorry if”.
Some obvious points
We all start off single and (depending on culture & beliefs) many date for at least a year before getting married.
God Bless all those who ‘knew’ and married within less than a year but for the majority who date, they usually do so for at least two years before marrying.
True discipleship in Yeshua (Jesus) starts with a process of learning and development by exercising faith and repentance, whether you are born into a Christian family or not.
People are being converted every day and (although it would be easier for them if they were single) a percentage (like Lois and I were) are already in a relationship.
It would be hypocritical (and religious of me) to disregard so many people in long-term relationships who are yet to be married, whatever religion they subscribe to.
Therefore, I made a conscious decision not to exclude anyone, to embrace everyone, in the hope that I would reach my target audience.
My TA being those who realise there is more to life, those who exercise humility, are willing to slow down and read, have a desire to make a mature relationship decision (get married) and whether or not they have a belief in Yeshua, will eventually have one, or grow deeper in one.
Obviously, there is never any force or manipulation on my part, as I have grown to learn that it’s either within people or it’s not but (unless an individual is a spiritual eunuch) I/we will assist them (if they allow us) in their steps to elevate their relationship towards getting and having a successful marriage.
History and the first wedding.
We have been on this planet for thousands of years and ‘most’ people understand that the human race is here due to the will and creation of a supreme intelligent being which most generically call God but the rest know His real title and name, Adonai Yeshua Hamashiach.
When He made Adam from the earth/soil of the ground He later made a partner (future wife) for him, Eve.
I’ve mentioned the Apocrypha in my ‘Relationship vs Religion series’ and in them, we see the details concerning the background to the events which happen after Genesis Chapter 3 and before Genesis Chapter 4.
Although severely attacked and tempted by Beelzebub(Satan) after the expulsion from the Garden of Eden, father Adam and mother Eve, did ‘not’ make love(have sex) until ‘after’ they were married.
On the command of Yeshua EL Shaddai (I AM), some angels were given orders to perform the first wedding ceremony.
Also, notice another early reference (the 2nd) use of the gifts, which were given to Adam and Eve, later mentioned in the New Testament and given to Joseph & Mary, when Yeshua stepped off His throne to put on flesh.
So what is marriage?
Most know that we are not just physical beings with a body, human beings also comprise of soul and spirit.
The original purpose of marriage was for man & woman (husband & wife) to be joined together in a Yeshua (God) given institution and agreement(covenant); becoming ‘one’ in body and spirit.
For the purposes of love and support for each other, working together, to spiritually legally enjoy sex and procreation in order to bring up children, raise families and build communities and for that cycle to continue.
That original purpose, which began after the expulsion from the garden, was restarted after the world wide flood, by Noah’s 3 sons and their wives.
Yeshua placed in both men and women (seed and egg respectively) giving us the ability to continue the procreation cycle, just as He did within nature in the plants and animals.
Senior patriarchs and community/village leaders (not angels) continued to carry out the wedding ceremonies for the human race and no matter the tribe or nationality, no matter the ceremony or traditions, even if the participants claim not to believe in ‘The One’ who gave us marriage, all men and women, marry in the eyes of Yeshua, due to His Spirit being omnipresent.
We also see ( especially in the New Testament) that a loving marriage is a representation of how Yeshua loves His bride, the Church, the called out people, giving marriage an even bigger spiritual significance.
What marriage is not…
There are many false perceptions out there concerning marriage and who can be married.
Choices are always presented to us, but it’s been put within us to action the perfect will of Yeshua or one of the many (broad way) permissible will options.
The deceptions grow with many strange teachings and opinions being voiced concerning the union of marriage.
No matter what you hear, no true believer in relationship with Yeshua, is going to suggest that marriage is anything other than a union and covenant between a man and woman (husband and wife).
There are false religious teachings out there which suggest that Yeshua (Jesus) didn’t mention anything about alternatives, so they must be OK…Wrong.
Firstly, people need to learn, understand and accept that Yeshua is God (who does not change) and therefore what He told Adam & Eve, Enoch, Moses and the other prophets concerning relationships and marriage, still stood when He walked amongst mankind here on earth; and still stand today.
The laws He gave Moses concerning male and female relationships were and are still applicable, which He stated when he was being tested by the religious leaders of the day.
Also, if you read His response carefully (to those religious leaders) you will see that He still ‘specifically’ emphasises a ‘Man’ and ‘Woman’ singular…which is His perfect will.
Paul the Apostle, being led by Yeshua’s Holy Spirit, also reminds the true Church, what marriage is about, especially in his letters to the brethren in Rome and Corinth.
The permissible will of Yeshua (for ‘big picture’ reasons only He knows) allows the human race to divert.
Believe it or not, the following have and are still being performed around the world.
Marriage is not between direct family members.
Marriage is not between an adult and an under developed child.
Marriage is not between a boy/man(male) and a boy/man(male).
Marriage is not between a girl/woman(female) and a girl/woman(female).
Marriage is not between a man and an animal.
Marriage is not between a woman and an animal.
Marriage is not between a man and a sex doll/android.
Marriage is not between a woman and a sex doll/android.
Marriage is not between human beings and any inanimate object.
Marriage is not between a human and the enemies of the human race.
Weird, strange, abominable relationships? Yes…but not marriage.
There are also cases of men and women claiming they have done marriage “in their own way”.
Usually by a private verbal agreement, which (if they break up) can easily be denied, sometimes resulting in a he said, she said, situation.
That is not a marriage, it’s just a conversation between two people in a relationship.
Having assisted in conducting a few marriages, while not ‘yet’ conducting them on my own.
I know there are things which all the marriages (in the image above) have in common, irrespective of the cultural background or the customs involved.
An official marriage ceremony (irrespective of location) should have a minimum of 4 people in attendance.
The person conducting the marriage, the couple and at least one other witness.
There should also be some declarations/vows spoken and agreed upon by the officiator and the couple.
Also (depending on country/culture) there should be some form of written proof (paper or certificate) stating that the two individuals are married, with the officiator, the couple and witnesses signing to confirm.
We live in a continually degenerating inverse world, where a large number of those who should be looking to marry are refusing to make the mature decision for their relationship, by elevating it to marriage, with excuses for their refusal.
While those, who marriage is clearly not for, due to their permissibly allowed way of living, actively seek to be married, as some sort of statement.
I strive daily to be in Yeshua’s perfect will and that involves speaking the truth, even if it does offend those who walk in His permissible will, usually thinking they’re doing what they want.
Mine is not to argue with opposition, I declare truth in love and if it’s accepted great, if not, oh well, maybe they’ll understand at some point, hopefully before it’s too late.
Love in itself is pure and good, however, it’s permissibly possible to love incorrectly, turning something good, bad.
Depending on country/culture, at times, too much emphasis can be placed on the ‘wedding day’, with people (sometimes) spending large amounts of money, trying to stage ‘an event’ to impress others, to be remembered and also captured on social media.
Sadly, a large number of those who do so, overlook all the important components (longevity of love, maintaining a healthy sex life, continual communication, the art of listening, the exercising of forgiveness, not taking the spouse for granted etc.) which need to be worked on and improved.
Components which are vital for the maintenance of a ‘marriage’ and due to a lack of good advice, knowledgable and wise pre-counselling (or self study via books), they are ill prepared, usually resulting in eventual divorce.
Marriage is more than the rings or gifts exchanged, it’s more than the event on the day (that’s just the wedding) it’s more than the document of proof (the paper), it’s more than the taking on of a man’s name, it’s more than the coming together of two families.
To reiterate, it’s a representation of Yeshua’s perfect will (concerning relationships) for those who are not spiritual eunuchs.
The right way in which a man and a woman can spiritually legally join together and fully enjoy each other, while also being a representation of how Yeshua loves His chosen people, the Church.
It’s a Yeshua-given institution, which was set before any form of religious or cultural traditions/ceremonies, were created and practised by mankind.
Where people become ‘one’ in spirit and flesh, which is also biologically shown by the sharing of DNA (via bodily fluid exchange) in sexually active couples.
People have brought in their tribes and nations stipulations concerning marriage.
However, for the true Holy Spirit filled, born again believers in Yeshua, Paul the apostle (in the letters he writes to the true Church) encourages single believers (who are not natural celibates) to marry within the faith, for an easier and more peaceful marital journey.
Remember, our core firmly held beliefs and values, matter more than aesthetics, nationality and the colour of our skin.
Marriage has its highs and lows and involves emotional and physical work but if ‘The Inventor’ (knowingly or unknowingly), is put in the centre of the marriage, it will be strong and loving, overcoming all opposition and will flourish for as long as He wills it to.
Watiwa Mtoto wa Yeshua
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