Welcome to the second post within the marriage series.
Hopefully you’ve had time to do the pre-reading (“An extended introduction”, “Homosexuality… ” and “I’m sorry if”) and the first post, ‘What is marriage?’ which will keep all the posts in this series in context.
What is Polygamy?
Polygamy is an interesting topic which I’ve seen people tackle from various angles.Most have heard about people (not all) within the Mormon (aka latter day saints), Muslim, Rastafarian and Talmud believing Jew-ish religions, practising it.
As well as certain African tribes and people of various nations from the southern hemisphere countries.
Polygamy should not be confused with Polyamory.
Polygamy is the practice of one man, having two or more “wives” where only he has sex with each wife and there are no sexual interactions between the women.
Whereas Polyamory is the more complicated (many would say crazier) notion of multiple couples all simultaneously having straight, bi-sexual and homosexual relationships, which also includes one woman having more than one male partner.
Fiction and fact
The fictitious US TV show ‘Big Love’ (which aired for 5 seasons) was the first to extensively dramatise and tackle the practice of Polygamy.
It was focused on the attempts of the character ‘Bill’ along with his 3 wives (Barbara, Nicky & Margene), who were trying to build their Polygamist family and deal with all the pressures which come with living that lifestyle.
They tried to normalise the practice, attempting to get the general public and American legal system to recognise, accept and legalise it.
A couple of years after that show ended, the airing of the US reality TV show ‘Sister wives’ began. A TV channels attempts to both entertain and inform the general public, with a real-life polygamist family called the Browns, who had/have similar objectives to the fictitious family in Big Love.
That show is still (just about) running, at the last airing, the husband, Kody Brown (who initially started the series with 3 “wives”) had 4 “wives” but wife number 3 left, no longer wishing to be part of the polygamist set-up.
American TV hasn’t relaxed on highlighting that lifestyle, the same channel also airs another reality TV show entitled ‘Seeking sister wife’.
Black, Brown, Cream & White, all share a desire to live/continue to live as Polygamist, with the men looking to add more wives to their existing family setup, albeit for differing reasons.
The shows mentioned above have been created to give a ‘different view’ and tackle the negativity surrounding Polygamy, especially within the traditional Mormon religion and communities.
While it obviously happens within other nations and tribes adoption of the practice, the modern history of Mormon Polygamy has been surrounded by cult activity.
Which includes the abuse of the patriarchy leading to misogyny, the enforcing of marriages against the females will, paedophilia and child brides, child abduction, rape, hostage keeping, the expulsion of young males from the community, physical, emotional and mental abuse and incest; especially within ‘commune’ populated communities.
The negative aspects provoked the creation of reality documentary shows like ‘Escaping Polygamy’ where abuse survivors narrate and share their experiences of how they escaped the cults and Polygamist lifestyles.
Other ‘real-world’ cases
One of the most famous examples concerns (in my opinion) the most technically gifted & skilful footballer (soccer player) ever to play the game…Ronaldinho, who has allegedly been reported to be living as a Polygamist.
It hasn’t been all idyllic for him, as it was also reported that there was ‘allegedly’ trouble (in his paradise) with the females, who were previously good friends, being at odds with each other.
Do you know any polygamist personally?
I know of 2 cases, one very close to home, the other close enough.
The first time I heard of and encountered polygamist actions/behaviour was concerning a man who fathered 13 children with 3 women.
There were a few differences in this case, in comparisons to those who’ve gone public on TV.
- He didn’t make an ‘initial’ agreement with all 3 women, his actions were carried out with mendacity and secrecy.
- He did not marry any of the three women, choosing to be with them, by bouncing between all three of the women’s homes and his parental home, using the excuse of working long hours (among other excuses) as a reason for being out of their houses, for long periods of time.
- When questioned by one about the possibility of other ‘baby mothers’ he initially denied it but not all of the women knew about the others.
- He continued to live that way until it all blew up in his face, when all of the women involved finally figured out what he was doing.
- A classic case of, one or more of the women, not paying attention to the relationship early warning signs, ignoring their gut-feeling and female intuition.
The other case involves a young woman who proudly advertised her polygamist setup on Facebook.
At that time (when I had a FB account back in 2018) none of the individuals involved were married.
However, all three obviously know about each other as they all live in the same house with their children.
Being open and up-front, they regarded their setup as more honest than those in regular 1on1 relationships, who may cheat.
Real History and it’s foundations
So where did this idea come from?
First remember and consider this…
The historical truth of the matter is, Yeshua initially made Adam & Eve ONLY.
NOT Adam, Eve & Genevieve.
Remember, marriage is not a ‘religious institution’, as the first marriage was performed before mankind established any form of religion.
Marriage is a Yeshua(God) given, ‘sanctified relationship institution’ for one man and one woman to emotionally, physically and spiritually enjoy each other.
Having the truth of Yeshua’s full sovereignty in the forefront of our minds, will enable us to accept that there are really only two states of human existence.
1) The perfect will of Yeshua.
Where, the majority of an individuals thoughts and actions align (in agreement with and obedience to) His Word, which He places in our hearts.
2) The permissible will of Yeshua.
Where He allows (for whatever His reasons and ‘bigger picture’ purposes) individuals to carry out the actions which are placed in their hearts, usually to act and behave contrary to His Word.
I have personally prayed and asked Why?
Concerning pre-destined will (and a few other things) and the answer I’ve received is, the unexplained occurrences, the life issues which human’s can’t explain.
Will be shared and revealed to all who deserve a full explanation (after judgement day) when the Chosen(the elect) sit with Yeshua EL Shaddai in heavenly places.
So I will obediently wait and look forward to hearing and receiving the revelations and answers to the currently unexplained mysteries of life and human behaviour.
Taking the above into account, it should be obvious that Yeshua’s perfect will for relationships, marriage and sex are for 1 man and 1 woman.
As I said in the previous post, that’s what He told Adam, Eve, Enoch and Moses (to name a few) and that’s what He reiterated, to the Religious leaders who were testing Him and what Paul the Apostle, later repeated and reminded the New Testament believers.
However, before any officially stated man-made religions occurred, after the establishment of His perfect will monogamous marriage.
Yeshua permitted (allowed) mankind to engage in Polygamy, which coincidently also occurred alongside the practice of Paganism, which Cain’s tribe (people) practised at the bottom of the mountain. Read into that what you will.
After the world-wide flood, despite Noah and his 3 sons all having 1 wife, setting the example again.
When Noah’s son’s and daughter in-laws replenished the human population, Polygamy reared it’s head again and was practised by various tribes/nations.
Also, yes, before and after the Hebrew Abrahamic covenant with Abraham.
Yeshua permitted some of the Patriarchs of old, to practice Polygamy.
More Research and some findings
Reporting on the historical events and incidents of the past (which the Bible does) is not an automatic verification and validation for the reader to believe that all actions can or should be repeated.
They’re recorded events of both the good and bad activities of the human race, under the perfect and permissible will of Yeshua, showing the reader the outcome of those actions.
The Torah, didn’t encourage Polygamy but it was interesting to find that the Talmud (and other related man-made religious texts) did mention Polygamy.
Apparently, under the alternative ways of so-called marriage, namely Polygamy, there were a certain amount of stipulations which supposedly made it OK, if a man met the criteria.
* The man (if a young adult) having agreed with his parents would have to meet with the parents of the young women, who must also be in agreement of the marriage(s).
* The women must also be in agreement to becoming ‘wives’ to one man, if they were not, it could not happen.
* The man must have considerable wealth (land, livestock and a large house(s)) to physically cater for more than one wife.
* The man must promise and have the ability to love all the women ‘equally’, without preference.
If all of the above criteria could be met, it was permissible for Polygamy to be practised.
It’s also important to note/remember that ‘sadly’ many of the ancient tribes (some still do today) looked at females as a ‘commodity’ to be used and traded.
Often, sisters and daughters were ‘offered’ (whether they liked it or not) to neighbouring tribe elders, leaders or kings, as second, third or fourth wives etc. in order to pay debts, broker peace deals, or improve trade relations, between two tribes or communities.
It would be considered an insult if the leader being offered a new wife, rejected the offer and therefore, for peace sake (in most situations) the offer would be graciously accepted.
Sometimes those scenarios would work out favourably for the new wife, if she wanted to move from the family home, or she found the proposed husband, good looking and wealthy enough.
However, let’s not overlook the fact that overall, Polygamy mostly favoured/favours men and to some extent, enslaved/enslaves (depending on situation) women.
Whether you agree with the permissible alternative or not, historically, it’s easy to see why only a few had the ability to live that way; in today’s world, nothing much has changed.
Some practice Polygamy to help increase their households financial income, to be able to afford to live a certain way, as three or four incomes go further than one or two.
However, remember, one of the initial stipulations for Polygamy, was the ability of a man to already have the wealth to do so, without material assistance from any of the wives.
Some, today, also practice lies and benefit/social security fraud, to be able to live that way.
There are also, the all-important emotions of the heart to consider.
Some believe it’s a way to live in a higher state of existence and thereby inheriting a greater reward in Heaven.
We have been given the emotion of jealousy to assist us in keeping our actions in check, remembering to do to others, what we would want done to ourselves.
Jealousy (not obsessive possessiveness) is an emotion which enables us to consider and (to an extent) care about and not take our partners for granted.
All polygamist speak about having to both deal with it and their attempts to eliminate that natural emotion, usually unsuccessfully.
Surely if that way of life was ideal, individuals wouldn’t have to deal with that emotion to that extent along with the negative actions it can produce.
On the surface, it does appear that a lot of women have the emotional ability to live that way but women can be complex and and a paradox.
On the one hand (on the whole) they don’t accept rejection well and when they care about their partner can exhibit strong bouts of jealousy.
Those are the main reasons why the perfect will of Yeshua was/is for the man to work for and pursue the worthy woman, not women.
However, on the other hand, many women have (arguably bigger egos than men) and a spirit of competitiveness, which, if exercised incorrectly, causes them to drop hints and make themselves available to a man already in a relationship (including marriage), with the extremity of behaviour being the active pursuit of a man.
Seemingly to prove to themselves, their friends, the man who’s the target (of their attention) and the man’s existing partner, that they are more attractive and desirable than that partner.
It’s that paradoxical mix in women which also enables them to deal with being one of 2,3,4 or 5 women(wives) to one man.
They handle the situation much easier than men (in general) would/could.
In all honesty, there would probably be more violent crimes committed (maybe even more deaths) if Polygamy was gender reversed, plus the issue of offspring and lineage would be regularly questioned.
I will cover those issues in more greater detail, in the Patriarch and names post.
My experiences and conclusion
When I was on Facebook (pre 2018), a School friends elder sister, was speaking very frankly about the attitude of women of today.
She questioned (as Lois does) the validity and reality of a sisterhood and (in a public conversation) shared some thoughts with me on it.
She proceeded to say, women have gone from, looking at another woman’s (friend, frienemy or associates) man and thinking, I would like a man with the qualities he has.
To, looking at another woman’s man and thinking, I want ‘that’ particular man.
I admit, she did have a valid point and I had to agree with her.
Now, in this post, I have to publicly admit, in my experiences, I have come across females who would be happy to ‘go there’ with me, if I was “unhappy” with my wife and life, with a view to me moving onto a relationship with them.
As embarrassingly as it is for me to say (as I never blow my own trumpet) I have also spoken to women who would be happy to be a number 2 (whether Lois wanted to or not) as long as they could experience some of what she experiences.
It sadly is no wonder why so many men mess up in their relationships, but I will cover that in-depth along with all the relationship subjects on this Blog, in the book.
A recent experience I had, involved a woman who (knowing I’m a believer) referenced the Old Testament patriarchs who had more than one wife.
She was implying that it wouldn’t be wrong (if all parties agreed) for me to consider it, especially considering my current environment.
She also implied that she wanted to have a daughter and I wasn’t old enough to retire myself from parenting.
As you can imagine, as much as I like people to be straight, I was a little surprised.
However, her point of view was obviously shaped by being a child of Polygamy, her dad having around 4 wives and over 35 children, so that could have something to do with it.
Would you consider the permissible option of Polygamy?
Would your wife (if you already have one) be happy to accept Polygamy?
Would your existing children (if you have any) be happy that you were bringing in another woman into your relationship and house?
Would you be happy to (as my father-in-law said to me a couple of years before he died) take your chances with the judgment of Yeshua, when you see Him and kneel before Him?
The answer to all of the above for me is a big NO.
Mine is to continually strive to be in the perfect will of Yeshua and that is to make my monogamous marriage the best it can be.
Besides, even if Lady G was remotely interested in it, knowing I could physically manage more than one wife.
I neither have the desire to or the financial resources to do so and I also wouldn’t trust myself, not to be manipulative in that situation.
I could initially say I would be able to love all my wives equally (in theory) however, in practice I know that would not be the case.
As a man, it’s so easy to become a narcissist in Polygamy, emotionally manipulating situations to selfishly suit yourself, playing one wife off against another, if they are not ‘behaving’ as you would want them to.
I simply, wouldn’t like myself that much, if I became that man.
Lois has made a point on Polygamy which I agree with.
If society today, as the masses march towards living just like in the days of Noah (pre flood) having moved so far into accepting deviations from the norm and perfect will of God, especially within marriage.
As much as she doesn’t agree with Polygamy, she believes that Polygamy (as long as all consenting adults agree) should be treated in the same way and passed as legal, just like all the other alternatives. Especially in Western and Northern hemisphere countries.
I’ve heard some refer to the lifestyle as Christian Polygamist Marriage.
With regards to ‘marriage’ that term, like all those I listed in my previous post does not exist and is not marriage as (in the eyes of Yeshua) only the first wife, is the wife, the rest are concubines.
Other religions practice it, however, true discipleship in Yeshua (aka true Christianity) is not a religion and requires, spiritual eunuchs to willingly enjoy their freedom and singleness and those who are not that way inclined, to ask/pray, prepare themselves and be open to marrying, the one, in an equally yoked (same beliefs) monogamous marriage.
Can it be done?
Sure it can, as I said, I have recently experienced an indirect, ‘would you consider it?’ from someone.
However, should it be done?
According to the Word (Bible), what my conscience and discernment shows me, hell no.
As with all permissible options, the human race will eventually find out what is and what is not acceptable.
I for one am happy with pleasing and satisfying one woman, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
I prefer to follow the perfect will of Yeshua and according to my faith and belief in His word, stay on the right side of His future pending judgement.
Watiwa Mtoto wa Yeshua
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Thanks for your response bro, I appreciate it.
I hear and understand you.
I’ve seen reports that the world population is about 51% Women to 49% Men but really, only Yeshua knows.