The marriage series – Personal thoughts shared publicly

I had a few people wanting to discuss certain aspects of the marriage series when I was in my meditation and planning process.
As with most of the things I write about, I tend not to want to discuss specific aspects, watch other peoples videos or read the work of others, on the subject matters which I’m covering, until after I have my thoughts down in writing.

IARNR has been a labour of love since 2006 and will continue to be a free labour of love.
However, FSAC was birthed later (10 years ago) in 2012, while it has also been a labour of love, the OX needs to be fed.
We’ve had to find the finances to host securely, have a designated domain name and all the other expenses it entails.
The need to write, publish and sell the additional relationship/history resources, via hard copy and e-books, are not only to enable us to live and build as a family.
It is also the best way to distribute my counselling and teaching resources to a wider and appreciative audience.
The one-to-one relationship counselling will also be a feature (if there’s time) to be added to the services which will be on offer under the FSAC umbrella.

It’s taken great restraint, to share parts of the topics on this site as (apart from the IARNR posts) they are actually extracts from 3 different books, WIP (works in progress), one obviously being ‘For Singles And Couples’, the other two will be revealed, when they are ready to be published.

So what about those who wanted to discuss certain relationship/marriage topics?
Well I’m sure it may come as no surprise, they have not come forward to do so.
I don’t want to speculate as to the reasons why.
Maybe I took too long, maybe they preferred their own one-to-one private conversation.
Either way, although I mention it occasionally, I have made peace with the fact that support will always come from unexpected people and sources.
I have noticed that the subject of death, seems to provoke more people to come forward and share their thoughts but this is not a website which focuses specifically on death; I’ll leave that there.

This is the 13th and final post on ‘The marriage series -…’ and it has been a real joy to share some of the work, from the more popular topics, right down to the ‘surprisingly’ most challenging topic in the series, ‘Patriarchal naming’.

A summary of certain thoughts, in answer to the questions I’ve been asked in private, as well as parts of certain discussions I’ve had in the past.

Would I ever consider simultaneous Polygamy?

‘Hell no’, is my short answer.
While there are others practising serial polygamy by divorcing and remarrying while their ex(s) are alive and while I live in a region, which allows simultaneous polygamy and I have already been pseudo asked by a woman, if I would consider it.
I have no intention of moving from the perfect to the permissible will of Yeshua, especially not at this late stage, in the times we are living in.
One wife is more than adequate for me, especially as the 6 children I have alive here on earth, are more than enough and I have no intentions of having any more children, with the exception of the 4-legged pet cat and dog variety.

Would I ever get a divorce?

None of us know what’s around the corner, however, I know myself well enough to know, I would not be going to the divorce courts and Lois is even more adamant and firmer on that, than I am.

If I did get a divorce would I ever re-marry?

If you’ve read the rest of the posts in this series, you could safely assume that, ‘if’, I was ever to get a divorce, I WOULD NOT be marrying again, if Lois is still alive.
I would have to adapt and put up with being a single divorcee, with an increase in my fitness and exercise regime to compensate and help me balance my physical energy.
What others choose to do (including those calling themselves Christians with an ex or two in their wake) is up to them, they will have to answer to Yeshua, on judgement day, as we all will.

What’s my personal view on long distance relationships?

They are OK for the first few months, while couples sort out their new living arrangements but long-term, it would not be for me, I believe a married couple should live in the same house together.

What about age-gap love?

I don’t intend to be disrespectful to married couples in age-gap love, especially those I know.
However, here’s my take on it.
My mum is 17 years older than me, born in 1953.
If I was a widower, passed my time of mourning and looking for a new wife.
The oldest I would go would be someone born in 1960 and she would have to be well into health and fitness for me to be looking at that age demographic.
Our eldest child is 27 (born in 1995) and our youngest is nearly 14.
No matter what some of those celebrities are doing, no matter how good you look for your age, I believe there should be a consideration concerning how young you should date and marry/re-marry, especially if you are a parent with older children.
I wasn’t producing until I was 14, therefore the youngest I would go, would be a woman born in 1984.
So my age range would be between 1960-1984, too young to be my mum and old enough not to be my daughter.

Would I marry a celebrity?

The question is, would a celebrity want to marry me?
It would depend on the individual, what they do, what they believe and how they conduct themselves.
As I always say, shared values and beliefs are key.

What if I became a widower and needed to share my life and love again?

I’m one who believes it’s never too late for love and marriage and I also believe that we can have more than one soul-mate, just not at the same time, while our 1st is still alive.
I’ve had a few nightmares concerning this scenario, as I really do wonder if there is anyone else on this planet who could put up with me and I them, however, its a rhetorical thought/question as those of us married to our soul-mates are not supposed to know the answer, while we are still married.
Only Lois would be able to say, whether or not I’m an easy person to love and live with.
I know myself that well, that, as flexible as I can be, I would have (as I’m sure the next possible Mrs G would) a broad list of requirements, which would cut down my options drastically.

FSAC_PG Time Line Key
FSAC_PG True Age Timeline

There is obviously no need for me to share that list now, as I’m happily ‘joined’ and in all honesty, I hope I never have to put it ‘out there’.
However, I will say, It will be one with balance and an understanding that things happen in life, it will not contain any hypocritical one-sided stipulations.
It will also contain some definite must-haves and a few ‘subjective’ preferences.

To conclude

I would encourage others (single people, widowers and widows) who are not natural celibates, to take an honest look at themselves and know what they really need and what they can afford to be flexible about.
It is obviously easier for a person in their mid-twenties to be flexible and accommodate someone else in their life but it’s not impossible for the 30+ to be able to do the same, it all depends on the individual and what they are prepared to hold onto and compromise on.

As always, thanks for reading and please remember, don’t be afraid to ask any questions, in the comment section below.

Much Love.

Phil Gayle
G Man
Watiwa Mtoto wa Yeshua

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