Identity means a lot to ‘most’ people.
It’s ‘usually’ a given that most balanced, rational and relational people like to know where they are coming from and who the relatives are, in their biological ancestral paternal & maternal family lines.
There is always something a little ‘different’ (sometimes positives, mostly negatives) about those who grew up in home without both mum and dad present to give balanced parenting with both the masculine and feminine energy, love and differing parenting styles, which give that balance.
Or those who do not know or have no interaction with their biological fathers, not even having their surnames.
Obviously, the family as it should be, has been under immense pressure (attack) and the variations that produces, covers a wide variety of emotions and behaviours in all individuals involved.
So what’s in a name?
Why does the Bible usually emphasise the Patriarchal parental lineage over the matriarchal?
Why do we emphasise the husbands surname in marriage and the fathers surname for our children?
The above and more, can be easily answered when we throw out our notions based on religious beliefs and focus on the original purpose for which we were created, relationship and worship.
Humans, being what we are, have a way of mostly leaning towards operating within the permissible will of God creating a variety of ways to self-sabotage and when our negative actions result in explosions, we have a plethora of excuses to back up those actions.
The real reasons?
It’s due to ignoring the working template and not accepting the love of the truth.
Let’s not forget, whilst also being aided and abetted by negative detrimental external influences.
Before I continue, in the interest of showing balance and having an understanding that life can be ‘humanly complicated’, with negative repercussions to negative actions, self-inflicted problems and the associated grey areas created by them.
I understand that things can happen, when we disregard and disobey the warning signs.
I understand that people who are products of abuse, who have not made peace with their past, who have not found positive ways to heal and develop themselves, who have not sought counselling or truly turned to God, have a tendency to hurt and abuse others.
I also know those who have come from negative upbringings, who need healing, have a tendency to be drawn to others like themselves, creating more vicious cycles.
The results can be individuals, with emotional, mental and spiritual illness, resulting in:-
* Single parents.
* A single parent running from an abusive partner.
* A single parent running from a cult situation.
* A single parent escaping violent/abusive relatives or in-laws.
* A single parent in witness protection with their children.
Knowing how human beings complicate matters there could be even more scenarios I haven’t mentioned but hopefully, the reader will see that I have considered, the alternative reasons for not naming chilldren as they should.
Identification and purpose
The main reason why Yeshua emphasised the patriarchal naming convention, was/is for identification purposes.
Purpose means a lot to God, us knowing who we are, where we come from and what we mean to Him matters.
It assists us in fulfilling the reasons why we are here.
It was also about inheritance, as historically, men ‘usually’ held the balance of wealth and it was/is important to hand down any inheritance ‘firstly’ to our rightful blood-related children.
Out of all the nation and tribal cultures which originated from ‘the original Bible countries’ of East Africa and North-East Africa (aka the Middle-East), no matter how those tribes started families, under perfect will marriage or permissible will Polygamy.
One of the most frowned upon and least popular ways-of-life, by both ancient and contemporary tribes was/is the practice of maternal led Polyamory, where one woman has more than one husband…and it’s for good reasons.
When Yeshua made father Adam from the fertile soil/earth of the ground, He gave him specific attributes which were different to those of mother Eve.
Biological/physical and emotional differences in males and females also shape the way in which we display our emotions, as well as how we view the all important spiritual aspects of life.
Man in particular (if not altered in certain ways) has a certain way of viewing life, our identity and sense of belonging.
This leads to us having a sense of a responsibility, a sense of ‘good pride’ and the need to embrace accountability.
It also means we have a willingness to serve, to lead, provide and protect, in regards to being in a relationship with a woman; obviously, if a man is not a natural celibate.
Due to external negative influences, men can also be abusive, complacent, arrogant, selfish, unloving, deviant, prideful, lacking responsibility or the willingness to be accountable for anything.
Whether people want to acknowledge and accept it or not, no matter how individuals eventually turn out, the foetus, baby, toddler and growing child are a blessing.
It’s obviously devastating and extremely sad how many of us came to being here but its obvious that we are a product of what I’ve previously mentioned, actions and repercussions to those actions.
Nevertheless for the most part ‘the village‘ works together, positive unions are formed and children are born into secure and loving family units, which have the support of the village.
Yeshua has always wanted us to know our lineage and history whether we are male or female.
He wanted us (human beings) to acknowledge that we belong and have purpose.
Man was created first, woman second.
Eve was created as a partner, friend, help-mate and wife for Adam, she was added to him and once married, they became physically and spiritually one flesh.
Therefore, historically and traditionally, women are added to a Man’s family, that’s why they take the man’s surname, to acknowledge and display the purpose in which Yeshua created us, to join in marital union.
Yes, some may see it as being 2nd class or lower, but most (with spiritual and emotional understanding) know and value women, knowing without them, our seeds are useless to the creation and continuance of the human race.
We see women as equals in importance, yet different in purpose and those of us with sons and daughters, realise that while we gain daughter-in-laws in marriage, under our family name.
The balance is addressed, as another family gains our daughters, under the same perfect will situation, marriage into their family name.
Besides, some parents (in this particular area) are only blessed to give (having all daughters) while others are blessed to receive (having all sons) balance and harmony…if we follow Yeshua’s perfect will.
Prevention is better than curing
Identifying who we are related to, helps to prevent the complicated and tragic occurrence of incest.
When a woman is pregnant everyone knows that she is the mother of that child (barring kidnapping/baby swapping) as she is carrying the child for the best part of 9 months.
That is whether she is in marriage or a polygamy situation where she is one of 2, 3 or more “wives”.
The one husband/man (polygamist male) is known by everyone involved as being the father.
Whether married to one wife or a Polygamist, it is important for most men to know and trust that they are the father of their children, which encourages him to exercise all the positive traits (listed in the identification and purpose section) to nurture and look after his children.
One particular case, I know of, concerned a half brother and sister who were at a party and liked the look of each other.
In that real life scenario, although the male rightfully had his dad’s surname, the female didn’t.
However, thankfully, the mother of the half-sister did tell her about her biological father, she knew that her mums partner, was not her dad.
When they spoke and mentioned who their biological (shared) dad was, they were able to avoid disaster but also realised they just met another sibling (albeit half).
One of the biggest problems people have with life and finding their place, is not knowing their identity and history.
There are many who lack purpose, they lack drive and are prone to depression, due to their parent not being honest with them and (if they have them) their siblings/half siblings.
If individuals are not rooted in a relationship with Yeshua, they didn’t really or ever know their dad, don’t have that link to the biology (dad’s surname) or have not been given both sides to their parents story, it can have devastating affects.
Violence, suicidal tendencies, destructive and abusive behaviour, a lack of trust, insecurity and an inflexible nature can all occur, due to the supposed “adults” in the situation, not thinking about life and their actions thoroughly enough.
I encouraged women especially as the mothers are the ones who are usually left with parental responsibility, to give the child the fathers last name (where safe to do so) and/or at least tell the child about their biological father, even if there is another man on the scene, fulfilling the role.
Where safe to do so, they should also organise and encourage a relationship between biological dad and child, to help that child with their knowledge and give them a sense of balance.
The same would obviously concern the rare men who have the parental responsibility.
I know of another case where the man did have custody and due to the mothers behaviour and mentality had to severely limit the meetings between the mum and child.
This had a serious affect of that child who demonstrated some of the negative behavioural traits I mentioned.
With humans there are always additional complications
Both good and bad situations happen, however, when we step outside of the perfect will of Yeshua, literally all hell breaks looks.
If we do a forensic analysis of past events, the events playing out now, are usually the consequences of previous negative actions carried out by one or more individuals.
We can’t stop what has already been done but it’s up to us to be honest with ourselves, relatives, family members, spouses and children, to prevent reoccurring nightmares and tragedies from continuing.
* There are some occasions (as I listed in the negatives section) where people are escaping situations which is both wise and safer for them, not to give the child their fathers last name.
That’s understandable, but a child should be told (when they are mature enough to understand) about their paternal origins and their fathers surname.
* There are occasions when, due to ovulation (being extra horny) and maybe aided by drugs, which includes alcohol.
That a woman, feeling neglected by a spouse in a long-distance relationship, exacting revenge on a spouse (for their infidelity), is too young and naive to realise that virgins having sex for the first time can result in pregnancy or deciding to exercise modern feminism (by having sex with more than one man in a short period of time) may find herself pregnant, whether she is using contraception or not.
It’s great that a woman in any of those (more commonly occurring) situations, takes responsibility for her actions and is bold enough to make the mature decision to have the baby.
* There are also the devastating (and thank God, less common in comparison) incidents of incest and sexual abuse, performed by a male family member/relative.
Or rape by a non-related male (paedophile situation(s) or not), which can also result in pregnancy.
A controversial and often heated topic of conversation, however, it’s admirable that a woman in any of those two more serious situations, has the courage and feels supported enough, to go ahead with the pregnancy resulting in her deciding to have the baby.
* Also, there are the cases of artificial insemination (sperm donor(s)) including surrogacy and adoption, which can all result in a child not knowing the biological paternal background.
However, no matter how that child came about, at some point in their lives, they still deserve to know who their biological father is, even if it does mean (depending on the situation) the involvement of one or a few paternity test(s).
Another situation which should be mentioned, is one which concerns nearly 500 years of human history.
The European slave trade, aided and abetted by ‘some’ African tribes.
Europeans, in taking, deceiving, trading, humiliating, forcing and raping Africans, felt a need to own Africans as if they were pets or cattle, with the addition of slave owners giving their slaves their last surnames for ownership identification.
There is a valid argument which states that the ‘European’ surnames of all African descendants (the Diaspora) born around the world as a by-product of slavery, are not our names.
While this is technically true, we still need a point of reference and therefore, unless individuals are able to go on specific and accurate DNA, historical and geographical investigations, many would not know what their real surname should be.
Many have decided to adopt African heritage names and that’s understandable, however, there is still a need to reference the ex-slave traders surname for links and connections to other relatives, places of birth, paperwork etc.
Not an easy situation to solve at all, then again, negative historical legacies never are.
What about the modern day kidnapping/abduction cases?
There are many children who have been taken from their parents, who have/are growing up in families which they feel they belong to but in reality, they have no biological connections to that family.
Some may argue that as long as the child is brought up in love, it’s at least something positive.
However, is it really? What about the devastation to the parents and possible siblings of the stolen individual?
Solutions and the conclusion
In the past, Britain had a draconian hypocritical religious law, which meant that unless two people were married, the mother was not able(or obligated) to put the biological fathers surname on the Birth Certificate.
While I understand that lies could play a part on the part of the mother, if there are any possibility of lies or any shadow of a doubt, it’s good that the positive side of science can assist in situations, with regards to taking a paternity test.
Unless there is danger and possibility of death involved (e.g. the listed negative situations above) all children should have their biological fathers surname on their birth certificates, even if it involves the possible embarrassment of a paternity test and or legal proceedings.
The woman may feel she does not want or need the involvement for herself but the man should be held accountable and have his name listed, whether they are married or not.
Part of being a “man” is to be accountable and within situations which are not connected to repetitive life threatening violence or continual harassment, all children should have their biological fathers surname on their birth certificates and have paternal involvement.
Grounding a child in knowledge of their historical roots goes a long way to helping them understand themselves and assisting them with their overall self-development.
Denying a child that opportunity is neither helpful or loving.
Always remembering, that it was not the child’s fault, how they were conceived and born into this world.
Obviously, the solution is available for all, following the perfect will of Yeshua and His word.
Having the community come together and positively assisting other couples and families, being a balanced and well rounded individual with no baggage and a good sense of identity while looking to date constructively, also getting married first, before having children, would help immensely.
Parenting is hard enough, it doesn’t need the self-sabotaging of negative actions being added to the equation.
Those guidelines are obviously easier for the adults starting their relationship and marital journeys, however, many have already embarked on their journeys making a load of mistakes in the process.
It’s not too late to change course and rectify some situations but it may take painful but honest conversations, the exercising of forgiveness and the possible medical involvement concerning paternity tests.
Where there’s life, there’s hope, it’s never too late to make a positive change that will help a person or people live a more fulfilled and knowledgeable life.
Believers know that we will be receiving a new name and judging by this topic and other life issues involving human error and wickedness, mendacity and incorrect naming, it’s understandable why Yeshua had the mass re-naming of faithful believers, in His plans.
What’s in a name?
Turns out there is a lot in a name and names are important for a few reasons.
Ideally, we should not only have our biological father’s surname, we should also have our heavenly Father’s name, Adonai Yeshua Hamashiach (Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ) in Baptism as a sign of belonging to Him.
All assisting our identity, purpose and more importantly, eternal inheritance, for those who belong to The heavenly Father, Yeshua EL Shaddai.
Watiwa Mtoto wa Yeshua (my self-given name, connected to God not man)
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