The marriage series – Money

When we were growing up, we were ‘incorrectly’ told that money was the root of all evil.
As we grew and started to read and study the Bible for ourselves, we realised that the truth was, ‘the love’ of money, is the root of all evil.
I’ve never ignored the subject of money, how can I?
A vast number of people crave, love and worship it.
However, I have tried not to make it the focal, most important, subject matter.
Yes, It’s relevant and important but not the most important factor/issue in life or relationships.

As with previous posts in the series, in order to understand the context in which I will be covering money in this post, please read:-

The rich list.

Just for men.

Women only.

Leaps of faith and the thing about money.

The crabs in a bucket mentality.

Thankful and grateful but.

Money matters
It’s no surprise that Yeshua informed and warned us that we can’t serve (love and worship) Him and money.
Being God, He obviously knew how money would be used as a god to attract worship and also a divisive measure, to increase the pride and arrogance in the few, as well as the stress and despair, in the many.

The satanic saying, “money makes the world go round”, is a fallacy but it’s obviously believed by those who worship it as a god.
The true believer understands that it’s Yeshua, who makes the world go around but it needs to be said that money obviously has a place and is currently the currency which everyone understands and is necessary for business transactions.

Bartering (the trading of items, services, skills and a persons time) was in place way before money (shekels) were created but it’s the latter which (for now) is needed to pay wages, goods, services and bills. A system which some will be returning for some, in the near future.

Having the right attitude towards money
Not wanting to sound like that Elvis Presley song but many are caught in a trap, due to ignorance and a lack of education, concerning money and how severely we allow it to impact our lives.
Most have been brought up to believe that there is only one way to be rich, i.e. the accumulation of money (finances).
However, if you have had the ‘right’ education, you will know the truth concerning real riches and how it comes in many diverse and beneficial forms.
Sadly, most of the youth and young adults have a narrow minded incorrect perception of being rich, a fault handed down from both mine and previous generations.
You only have to spend a day on any SMP, do a search on ‘rich’ or ‘money’ and you will see the sad and painful reality of the ignorance which pervades the old, young and in between.
A major perception and perspective change is needed, especially concerning the real value of money.
I don’t want to talk too much about that in this post but I will say that the sooner people of all ages, especially the younger generation, understand, the better.
The system, as it’s set now, is forcing the younger generation especially, to think about gaining money, with an intensity which outstrips previous generations, affecting family and community building, while generating a more self-centred selfish view of life.
They need to quickly understand and see money as a tool to be utilised, not the end result or end goal.

Yes, money needs to be saved for a house purchase and to get married but ways of doing so, need to be researched, in order to achieve both key life events, wisely and as economically as possible.
Many use money as an excuse not to get married but a wedding does not have to be extremely expensive, creating stress and arguments in the process.
People can get married on a budget and as much as many want a day to remember, it’s important for a couple to understand that the marriage itself, requires the greater consistent attention, not the wedding day.
As long as the wedding is a proper wedding, that’s all that matters, money (or lack of it) should not prevent couples from elevating their relationships to marriage.
Apart from being the right thing to do, it’s wise for both individuals to stay in the parental home, work hard, spend wisely and save well.
No matter what others (who are usually single or in house share situations) say, that is the best foundation to start off your adult life and adult relationship.
Remembering that money is a resource, not your source, Yeshua (God) is our source and provider; He works with us, not for us, in order to get the miraculous done, in a world and time when everyone (barring the 1-20%) are crying that everything is too expensive and supposedly near impossible to achieve.

The importance of shared values
Now more than ever, a couple needs to be on the same page concerning money.
Disagreements over money and infidelity are the top two reasons for many ending up in divorce proceedings.
I believe it’s possible, if a couple understands what riches are and how to prioritise money in their relationship correctly, for that couple to face and go through the storms of financial hardship, keeping their relationship in tact.
As I mentioned in the parenting post, I make no apologies for my next statement.
While I understand that there are couples under religious beliefs (those in the Red & outer Blue and Green circles) who can put money in context and not prioritise or worship it.
It’s still the couple in ‘relationship’ with Yeshua (those in the centre) who have the right perspective, concerning money being a tool, not something to be worshipped.
While the religious folk argue and bicker about money, those in relationship (not religion) know how to pray, read and understand the Bible, seek guidance and keep money in a balanced perspective, without allowing the excess of it to go to their heads, or the lack of it, to worry or stress them out.
Also, with the world moving in the direction it’s going, couples will seriously have to sit down and re-evaluate the way in which they’re living.
* How they spend money now.
* What happens when money is removed and only card based transactions are permitted.
* What happens when card usage is terminated and is turned into e-credits, only accessible via the internet and Phone apps.
* What happens when phone and app usage is removed with the replacement being a unique identifiable electronic/AI mark, placed on individuals to do all their future financial transactions.
A couples best chance of future relationship survival, is to have the same view on this very polarising subject of money.

A deeper look at values and money management
It’s the shared beliefs and values which will keep the lawyers out of a couples marriage and Yeshua(God) and His love, firmly in it.
Those shared values will allow couples to have joint accounts without stressing over the possibilities of being ripped off or left without a financial escape route, if their negative thoughts of things going wrong, manifest.
There is nothing wrong with a couple having their own savings accounts but the test of a true solid marriage based on faith, trust and above all the love of each other (not the love of money) is the couple who have one or more joint bank accounts.

IF, couples get together the right way, they will not be obsessing over money, they will prioritise the love and protection of each other, over the material things in life.
As I’ve said, it’s obvious that money is needed for that couple to purchase a home, marry and build a family.
However, that couple should show, each other, then their children, a positive example, of what real love and faith looks like.
Never allowing the money situations to be a source of constant arguments.
Not worshipping the money to the point where, if they don’t have enough, they start to resent their spouse for the lack of it.
Many do not have honest conversations ‘before’ getting married about this lower-case ‘g’od(money), but they should.
The conversations should be brutally honest, so that both can see where the levels of faith are at and their partners honest perceptions and perspectives on money.
To also see where the level of love is for each other, whether or not Yeshua is the most important being in their lives, or if money is the most important thing to them.
Examinations of scenarios concerning, building memories, having fun, spending on leisure or being practical concerning timely bill payments and the repayment of loans etc. should all be discussed thoroughly.
For all couples, whether in relationship or religion, honest assessments (questions) should be asked which include:-
Do they both like to work?
Are they both good savers?
Would they prefer to rent or buy a property?
Are they both in agreement about giving to genuine charitable causes?
Do they know how to budget and spend carefully?
Do they have gambling/betting problems?
Do they have alcohol or other drug problems?
Does she spend excessive amounts on cosmetics, hair and beauty regimes?
Does he spend an excessive amounts on sports and leisure activities?
Do they have expensive hobbies/past-times?
Do they prefer to buy take-away(take outs) or prefer to cook?
Do they have a spending/shopping problem, for example, buying unnecessary items (clothes or electronic goods) covering some emotional problems they need to deal with?
Would they spend money on buying lunches or make meals at home to eat at lunchtimes?
Would they put their children’s clothing and other needs above their own?

All of the above and more (especially what’s specifically relevant to each individual) would need to be discussed for both individuals to have a more rounded a complete picture of how they each view the subject of money.

If a couple is joined together with good advice, good counsel, if they have faith and love, they will be able to say they trust their partner financially, with a 99% assurance to be able to say, what’s mine is yours and vice versa.
It can be done in religion, having no belief in Yeshua, especially if a couple are honest with each other.
However, a couple in relationship, who implicitly trust Yeshua to continue to supply their needs according to His riches in Glory, a couple who knows and understands that Yeshua is God all by Himself and not money.
That’s a couple who puts love and the spiritual things first, not material things.

Love money over everything else?…Stay single
Concerning money, my best advice to individuals who are thinking of being in a long-term relationship, leading to marriage is this.
If after self-examination, you realise that you are a money worshipper, that you can’t look at money as a tool and resource, that you don’t trust anyone (or yourself) with a joint bank account and you can’t say, what’s yours is mine to a partner, without nervousness or anxiety.
Save yourself a lot of time, arguments and the resulting stress…and stay single.
It would be better to remain that way (single) until you mature.

Please don’t misunderstand me, maturity, can lead to an individual changing their views on money and materialism, it’s possible for an individual to ‘eventually’ grasp the understanding that Yeshua is for worship and money is to be used.
However, maturity can also cause an individual to become even more inflexible and selfish, with age, having self-confirmation that they are more happier and comfortable not sharing money with anyone else, for fear of losing or having their god(money) taken away from them.
If the latter is the case, it’s best for individuals to stay on their own and refrain from having children.

A warning for those who do look at and view money correctly, as a tool and resource.
If your partner is a ‘seemingly’ unchanging money worshipper, it’s probably best to keep that individual as a friend, as they will ‘probably’ never be on a the same page as you, concerning life and how to correctly prioritise money, in a relationship.
Ignoring those warning signs, could lead to a life of anger, frustration and possibly even divorce.

Phil Gayle
G Man
Watiwa Mtoto wa Yeshua

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