The marriage series – Married, divorced and re-married

I love and prefer the interaction of dialogue but I will continue to do the ‘monologue thing’ if I have to.
I could view the monologue post, as a type of newspaper column using a more formal format but I’ll save the more formal approach for my books and remain more personal on the Blog.
As with all the Posts in this series, post length could be shorter, by believing that every reader will gladly adhere to the requests (especially for this particular series) to read the previous posts (e.g. ‘What is marriage?’ and ‘Polygamy’) and the background posts ‘An extended introduction’, ‘Homosexuality’ and ‘I’m sorry if’, reducing the extra detailed explanations, which give the reader a full understanding and the context of, sometimes, very controversial material.
However, not all readers ‘receive the memo’ and for those who view Posts randomly, directly landing on the pages, I have to repeat essential information, to keep all updated and informed.

This particular post covers the thorny issue of divorce and re-marriage, or is it no longer thorny?
It’s hard to tell, in the times we live in (among the masses) there’s definitely a relaxing of morality and the removal of remaining within certain boundaries of spiritual and physical safety.
Life has become an increasingly dangerous ‘whatever you say, whatever you want and whatever makes you happy’ minefield and when those sliding scales are in operation, anything (both good and bad) is possible.
I’m a man of faith and relationship (not religion) exercising discipline, while trying my best not to take the grace of Yeshua(God) and being chosen for granted.
I have a daily and increased understanding of pre-destination and the full sovereignty of Yeshua’s permissible and perfect will over both the called and chosen respectively.

IARNR_Perfect and permissible will

The human race being the way it is, under permissibly allowed actions, as I always say, seemingly like to complicate life.
What should be straightforward instructions from a blueprint which works, is increasingly ignored or distorted (self-adapted) but we are not alone, in the complicated mess.

FSAC_Reasons for failing

Whether we like to admit it or not, we are influenced both for the good and bad, by external entities.
The enemies of the human race playing their part (with the bad) by continually assisting, through manipulation, deception and scaring us into ‘messing ourselves up’, especially in the area of the Yeshua-given institution of marriage.
When Adam and Eve were married, there was no mention of divorce, it was the original intention of Yeshua for marriage to be a once and done event for a man and a woman, with the exception of death, being the ‘spiritually legal’ natural divorce.
Hence the reason for the deliberate addition of the words, ‘Till death do us part’, within many marriage ceremonial vows.

Attack on the institution, men and women
From the Garden, the relationship and companionship between man and woman and after the expulsion from the Garden, real marriage has continually been under attack and the majority of people do not know or understand why.

FSAC_Real women

Hatred and jealousy (against the human race, especially women) has definitely been at work.
By whom?
The enemies of the human race, led by Beelzebub/Belial(or whatever name his followers call him) and his legion, whether you call them (the enemies, the Satans, evil angels, demons, devils or aliens) they are the ‘real racists’ as they hate the human race, despite grudgingly deceiving many into believing their gifts and assistance, come with the best of intentions.
We are hated because of the possibility of human beings having an heavenly inheritance, living in peace and joy with the master of the universe, the Father of ALL spirits, Yeshua EL Shaddai, in a place they will not be able to inhabit.
We are hated because the loving union of man and woman in marriage, is a physical representation of the Spiritual relationship between Yeshua (the Groom) and His chosen people, the Church (the Bride), who will eventually sit down together at the best marriage feast ever.
We are also hated because they (although some have the ability to shape-shift) being of a single gender, do not have the freedom to experience love, spiritual and sexual intimacy in union with women, that man has, without severe punishment.
Throughout history, we see that hatred and jealousy played out in many aspects of gender and sexuality.
Encouraging self-harming, the abuse of women by men, alternative deviant sexual relationships, the practice of deviant sexual activities, confusing some individuals about their gender and sexual identity and a hesitancy (among those who are not natural celibates) in refusing to do the right thing and marry, preferring to remain in short and long-term sexual relationships, aka fornication.
All of the above ‘severely messes up’ the human race and limits our chances of escaping the lake.

Also, we have the Word, Apocrypha and archaeological evidence, of the hybrid offspring, of the 200 watchers (pre-flood) which confirmed that jealousy, in them taking certain women in Cain’s tribe, for partners and wives.
There are also questions as to whether (throughout the generations after the flood) some under the leadership of Beelzebub/Belial, have been permitted to do the same thing the ‘still imprisoned’ 200 watchers did, by creating human/demon hybrids, with select groups or nations of people, within the human race.
However, that is another topic for another post and series.

Religious distortion leading to pain
Legitimate (perfect will) marriage, is a non-religious, non tribal or nation dependent, Yeshua-given institution, for a man and a woman, which was intended to be lived until a partner dies.
Biblical historical references state, after a minimum mourning period of 30/40 days (usually longer), the surviving partner was free to marry again.
Biblical references to the length of mourning, did not have any specific set time period rules, as we’re uniquely created individuals, we are obviously affected by death differently and depending on the individuals and relationships, people ‘obviously’ mourn, for as long as it takes.
There are Biblical references to the minimum mourning period being one year, for the death of a parent or child but this again was never set as a rule.

As death is the legitimate, ‘perfect will’ divorce for married couples, looking back over the rise of religions, and it’s man-made (enemy inspired) dictates, it’s easy to see how the permitted distortions have developed.
One of which is the expectancy of the religious ignorant, to stay within an abusive marriage, for the sake of remaining married.
This was the enemies plan, a two fold attack of the institution of marriage, externally against and from within.
This historically, obviously led to anguish and pain with individuals in abusive marriages pre Moses and Torah bill/certificate of divorce.
Sadly and surprisingly, even in certain cultures, tribes and religions today, men but usually women, are bound in abusive relationships because they are a slave to religion and do not have a relationship with Yeshua.
If they did have a relationship with Yeshua, they would both know and understand that Yeshua did provide a way out of repetitive abusive, unloving, unfaithful marriages.

Questions posed to me in the past
When I began to share the FSAC (For Singles And Couples) project/ministry and idea for the book, due to my previous leadership position under a religious setup.
There were a few people who approached me about marriage, sex, divorce and re-marrying, out of concern for a rising trend (which I’ll speak about in this post and a future post on sex) as well as wandering where I stood, as I was no longer bound by unnecessary religious rules.
I’ve spoken in part on it but I’ve kept my own counsel, as I wanted to pray about this massive topic and do more studying and research before speaking about it; now I’m ready.

The ‘permissible’ hard-hearted
While Yeshua (the only wise God) directly led them, the Hebrew tribe/nation were not comfortable with the relationship and cried out to be led by a human king, to be like the surrounding tribes.
They married and were at times, stuck in an unloving and abusive marriages.
Some men also abused their authority and in-turn were abusive, narcissist and misogynists in their love (pride/arrogance) of themselves and treatment of women.
They pleaded with Moses for the option to (put away) divorce and Yeshua permitted Moses to give them the option to receive a bill(certificate) of divorce.
Going forward in time, Yeshua reiterated what He told Moses, to the religious who were testing Him on the marriage and divorce issue.
He also stamped His authority on legitimate marriage and what He considers adultery, both the physical (re-marrying & sex with another) and emotional (through mental desire and secret sexual fantasies about another).

The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”
And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”
He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

Matthew chapter 19 : verses 3-9

You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’
But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart”.

Matthew chapter 5 : verses 27-28

The truth about marriage and divorce covers both males and females (men don’t escape the judgement) and the sexual immorality clause covers two scenarios.
Back in the days of old, under Hebrew tribal cultural practices, if ‘supposedly’ two virgins are betrothed (engaged to be married) after the wedding takes place, if one finds out that the other was unfaithful and had sex with someone else (fornication) the other individual (if they couldn’t forgive) had the option to divorce.
The other scenario involves a married couple, where one member ‘steps out’ of their relationship to have sex with someone else (fornication and adultery) and the other partner cannot forgive them, the wronged party can request a divorce.
It’s also important to understand that an agreement(covenant) and spoken vows especially before witnesses, is taken very seriously by Yeshua.
You only have to read the Torah (Old Testament) and within the first five books, you’ll find evidence, with specific examples, of how serious He takes vows and covenants(agreements).
He was also very specific about how He sees divorce, Yeshua told Malachi to tell His people that He hates divorce and to warn/encourage men to deal lovingly with their wife.
A note…Yeshua answering the Pharisees autocratically, with authority and firmness, provoked the disciples to say, as that is the case, it was better not to get married.
However, if you remember my post on the ‘natural celibate/spiritual eunuch’ the luxury of not needing/wanting to get married and being able to remain ‘single and sexually sin free’, is only for the select few.
Yeshua informed them that those who can, should remain single while the rest should look to marry correctly.

The importance of forgiveness

FSAC_The F word

The ‘F’ word is one which many find hard to stomach and accept and I’m not talking about the swear word.
Remember, a loving marriage is a physical representation of how Yeshua loves His Church(chosen people).
In that spiritual relationship, Yeshua truly loves, ‘forgives’ and is patient with us, as we grow and go through our process of change moving into relationship with Him.
How many of us have messed up and have had to humbly go before Him and His throne of grace, mercy and power, asking for forgiveness from some bad choices as well as mistakes made?
I’m a living witness of this, I’m human still in this limited body and I admit I have had to on many occasions for different things.
Humans are funny, many of us (with feelings) want to be forgiven, yet can find it so hard to forgive others.
If I was given money every time I heard someone say, they could never forgive someone, especially in relation to them stepping out of a relationship, I would be financially rich.
How many of us understand that every time we sin (no matter what the sin is), we ‘step out’ of our relationship with Yeshua and yet, He is willing to forgive those who are truly sorry and sincerely repent.
That’s the blueprint for us to follow for our human to human relationships, as much as many don’t want to hear it.
I know of a case, where a person’s spouse has committed infidelity (adultery) a few times, one of which, resulted in the birth of a child outside of that marriage and yet (the wronged individual)chose to follow Yeshua’s Word by exercising love and forgiveness.
Most of that person’s siblings, don’t agree with their decision but none have been mature enough to sit down and honestly ask them the reasons why.
Maybe they don’t want to hear about the love and forgiveness of Yeshua, maybe they don’t want to show they are selective with their beliefs, maybe they don’t want the conversation to turn to salvation and their refusal (to date) to be baptised in Yeshua’s wonderful name.
Whatever their reasons, that individual has shown immense strength and a definition of true love by exercising forgiveness; what better way to live and practice what you preach and be more like our God Yeshua?

The dangers of accepting negative repetitive patterns of behaviour
What about being taken for granted?
That is always a possibility, especially with humans prone to being under the influence of the enemies, however, if a person is truly sorry for their bad choices, their actions will show it and if they remember to treat others how they would want to be treated, they would ensure that they never hurt their spouse again.
We all have our limits and differing tolerance levels, for example, I may tell my sons, daughters and any future daughter-in-laws and sons-in-laws, never look to end a marriage after one bad decision concerning infidelity.
However, if their spouse does it again, they are well within their rights to ask, ‘Dad, if they truly loved me, would they do it to me twice?’ obviously, that would be a valid question.
I obviously would advise, prayer and counselling (by another counsellor) for them to find out what the unresolved underlying issues are (from both parties) which caused the repeated actions and take things from there.

The same would be said for the verbally or physically abusive spouse.
If they really loved you, would they really repeat the same abuse twice?
Also, if you really loved yourself, would you allow yourself to go through the same abuse the second or third time?

FSAC_Finalising a divorce

As I said, everyone has their limits and no matter what bad choices we have made in our past, Yeshua would not expect anyone to live in a repeated cycle of infidelity and abuse, no matter what an ‘incorrect’ religious leader may tell you.
That’s why Yeshua does permit divorce, as much as He hates it, ‘the sin’, IS NOT in getting a divorce and removing yourself from a dangerous and potentially life threatening (by sexually transmitted disease or physical violence) situation and marriage.

Untangling the historical cultural ‘tribal’ practices
This is a bit hard to explain but I will try my best to communicate this, as clearly as I can.
I was asked on two separate occasions (by both a male and female) about what I thought about the ancient Hebrew practice of sex being an acceptable form of betrothal, even marriage.
This caused me to think about peoples lives before baptism, all of us committed sin which we needed to repent (be sorry and have a change of heart and behaviour) of.
Having a knowledge of right and wrong, being baptised in Yeshua’s Holy name for the removal of those sins.
Can sex (in ignorance of it’s seriousness) be forgiven or is sex a sin which Baptism cannot cover?
My answer to that is, Yeshua does forgive, when a sinner repents and opens a door to relationship with Him, starting with baptism.
Also, having done some additional reading, I found out that some of the other neighbouring tribes also saw sex as a form of betrothal, e.g. the Hi’vite’s.
However, the majority of us are not living as Hebrews with all the other cultural practices and customs necessary to be classified as Hebrews.
While Yeshua does see sex as a very serious activity, which ‘should’ be reserved for husbands and wives and while (Him knowing all things) knows that some who fornicate, will end up elevating their relationships to marriage. As Lois and I did.
It’s also,important to remember betrothals, are not marriages, while they should be taken seriously, they are an agreement to be married, not marriage.
While there are scriptures which support the fact that Yeshua isn’t happy with covenant(agreement) breakers, He clearly states He hates divorce but doesn’t categorise (in general) the breaking off of a betrothal (engagement) in the same way.
I explained what a real marriage is and it was my understanding that those who posed the question was insinuating that all of us who have had sex with someone else, previous to our spouses, especially in Christendom, was committing adultery.
We fornicated, yes, but if we didn’t officially marry with witnesses and vows spoken, we didn’t commit adultery and Baptism can wash those sins away.
This is not an excuse, it’s a reason; some of us need to understand and should have made peace with the fact that we were in permissible relationships which ultimately were not good for us in the long run.
If we were in the correct relationships, we would have been married to those individuals but we were not.

Initial incorrect view held on marriage in relation to becoming a born again believer
I’m never too proud to admit when I get something wrong, especially after taking the time to pray, fast, read and research.
It’s true that none of us know everything and that we are all going through our ‘process’ of learning and growth, however, it’s an easier climb to the top of the mountain of knowledge and wisdom, if we accept the love of the truth, when it’s shown to us and not resist it.
What I’m about to share is obviously not applicable to many of the called, which includes those who’ve had it placed in their hearts to resist Yeshua and His Word.
As Paul the Apostle correctly said, spiritual matters are foolishness to the natural man, therefore I’m not expecting them to understand.
However, those who may not be calling themselves a disciple of Yeshua (aka Christian) while still being open to these spiritual matters, as well as ‘obviously’ those who are true believers, will understand.

I initially ‘incorrectly’ thought that if an individual was married before becoming a born-again believer and they get divorced, ‘before’ getting baptised, that it would clear them to re-marry, as what they did before baptism doesn’t count.
Remember, as much as Yeshua hates divorce, the sin is not in divorcing, especially if an individual needs to get out of a repetitive abusive relationship.
The more I studied an learned about the institution of ‘correct marriage’, is the more I understood.
The union between man and woman, with witnesses and a verbal declaration of vows, no matter how or where it’s done, is regarded as marriage in Yeshua’s eyes, even if the ceremony contained ‘morally suspect’ elements and the occupants claim not to believe in Him or believe in other (enemy inspired) beliefs.
Remember what the disciples/apostles said to Yeshua, about it being better not to get married?
They didn’t say it in jest or sarcasm, they were serious because they recognised the gravitas of the issue, due to how Yeshua dealt with the religious leaders.

More truths about marriage…and divorce
I looked and I couldn’t find Biblical evidence to confirm and justify my initially thoughts on marriage pre-baptism being different to marriage after baptism.
However, I did find Biblical proof of marriage being marriage, no matter the tribe or beliefs and how Yeshua(God) sees marriage.

So He came to a city of Samaria which is called Sychar, near the plot of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph.
Now Jacob’s well was there. Yeshua therefore, being wearied from His journey, sat thus by the well. It was about the sixth hour.
A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Yeshua said to her, “Give Me a drink.”
For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.
Then the woman of Samaria said to Him, “How is it that You, being a Hebrew(Jew), ask a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?” For Hebrews(Jews) have no dealings with Samaritans.
Yeshua answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.”
The woman said to Him, “Sir, You have nothing to draw with, and the well is deep.
Where then do You get that living water? Are You greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well, and drank from it himself, as well as his sons and his livestock?”
Yeshua answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water (referring to the well) will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him, will never thirst.
But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”
The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.”

Yeshua said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.”
The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.”
Yeshua said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.”
Yeshua said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.”
The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.”
Yeshua said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.”

The woman said to Him, “Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet.
Our fathers worshipped on this mountain, and you Hebrews(Jews) say that in Jerusalem is the place where one ought to worship.”
Yeshua said to her, “Woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father.
You worship what you do not know; we know what we worship, for salvation is of the Hebrews(Jews).
But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him.
God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”
The woman said to Him, “I know that Messiah is coming” (who is called Christ). “When He comes, He will tell us all things.”
Yeshua said to her, “I who speak to you am He.”The woman said to Him, “Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet.
Our fathers worshipped on this mountain, and you Hebrews(Jews) say that in Jerusalem is the place where one ought to worship.”
Yeshua said to her, “Woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father.
You worship what you do not know; we know what we worship, for salvation is of the Hebrews(Jews).
But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him.
God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”
The woman said to Him, “I know that Messiah is coming” (who is called Christ). “When He comes, He will tell us all things.”
Yeshua said to her, “I who speak to you am He.”The woman said to Him, “Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet.
Our fathers worshipped on this mountain, and you Hebrews(Jews) say that in Jerusalem is the place where one ought to worship.”
Yeshua said to her, “Woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father.
You worship what you do not know; we know what we worship, for salvation is of the Hebrews(Jews).
But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him.
God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”
The woman said to Him, “I know that Messiah is coming” (who is called Christ). “When He comes, He will tell us all things.”
Yeshua said to her, “I who speak to you am He.”

John 4:5-26

Some people have it in them to readily accept truth, while others, have it in them to reject it and replace it with other things.
I accepted the truths of the above chapter and the accompanying revelations which came with it.
There is so much to discuss concerning this chapter, but to stay on topic, I’ll focus on verses 16-18 (in bold).
Firstly an Hebrew man, talking (alone) to a Samaritan woman broke all sorts of religious, cultural and tribal prejudices and customs, none of which were/are important to Yeshua, that’s why He made a point to talk to her.
They were tribal neighbours, with different customs and yet we know she had her own meeting with God at that moment, for only God could tell her about herself in the intricate way He did; He truly is the ‘Living water’.

Before I continue, it’s important to emphasise that God putting on flesh to become the perfect sacrifice for ‘our sins’ was also about Him living and being with His creations (being intimately acquainted with us, knowing yet experiencing what it’s like being in an earthly body) as well as giving us the example of how to live, behave and talk, both to each other and about Him.
In the near future, I will cover the difference between making a righteous judgement (in love) vs condemning someone (in arrogance) in the Relationship vs Religion comparison post, using the above chapter as an example.
No matter what the religious say, Yeshua is calling us to do the former, making righteous judgements, speaking truth to others always, which is love.
It’s interesting to note, in today’s society, what Adonai said to the Samaritan woman would be looked at as being “so judgemental(condemnatory)” by the masses, including those who ‘claim’ to believe in Him; If we were to repeat exactly what He said, in exactly the way He said it, but truth is truth.
Imagine standing before God in a physical form right now, if He asked you questions (as He did the Samaritan woman) you would be ‘singing like a Canary’, divulging all your thoughts, confessing everything, as He looks at you with eyes which can see right into the depths of your heart, mind and soul.

The biggest revelation I received from this chapter is that Yeshua sees correct marriage (between a man and a woman) as marriage, no matter when we officially participate in a marriage ceremony with at least 4 people present.
I also received another revelation based on the tribal(nation) difference.
If Yeshua spoke to an Hebrew woman in the manner He did to the Samaritan woman.
Due to the hardness of the hearts of many, and their self-inflated view of their logic and argument skills, many religious folk, especially in the times we live in, would have said, He was only speaking to the Hebrews(Jews) of the time and that, what He said, is not applicable to us today.
As an excuse to be able to remain righteous (in their own eyes) and marry and divorce as many times as they like.
Can you see it’s a ‘possible’ argument, which Yeshua has already dismissed?

FSAC_Making sense of the numbers

So where is the sin?
Although Yeshua hates divorce, He has made a way for people to get out of repetitive abusive situations which could possibly lead to death or murder in extreme cases; no sin in that.
OK, so where is the sin?
The astute has already worked out the answer.
The sin is in, re-marrying while the ex-spouse is still alive, remember what He said to the Samaritan woman? Number 5 was not her husband.
Yeshua knew that one or more of her previous 4 husbands were still alive.

Wanting to move on and re-marry leads to a refusal to exercise forgiveness and offer the chance of reconciliation (if the offending spouse has genuinely changed).
Yeshua is all about forgiveness and reconciliation and if we don’t give our spouse the opportunity to genuinely prove they’ve changed, we are setting up ourselves and ex-spouse for the possibility of entering into physical or emotional adultery and that is a sin.
It would also be a sin to have your ex-spouse removed (killed) in order for you to spiritually legally marry again, don’t laugh, it has actually happened.

It should also be noted, with regards to a married couple, with one answering the call to become saved (baptised) while the other delays.
In some religious setups (cults) the group would be encouraging the converted individual, to leave the resistant spouse.
That is not real Christianity (in relationship with Yeshua)…that’s religion.
Paul, by the leading of Yeshua’s Holy Spirit, encourages the newly converted Church to stick with their spouses, in the hope that the love they have for them, would assist in their spouse eventually choosing to be saved.
If you read what Paul says to the Church carefully, you will see that there is a caveat.
Believers can let their spouses go, if the spouse no longer wants to live with them because they refuse baptism and salvation.
If that is the scenario, where the spouse blatantly refuses to become a believer, the believing spouse, after letting their partner leave, is encouraged to remain single, to live for Yeshua on their own.
This does not rule out a future reconciliation, if a partner returns and wishes to be reconciled, the believer has a choice, however, it would be sin if the believer marries again (even to a fellow believer), while their non-believing ex-spouse is still alive, they both commit the sin of adultery.

Also, obviously, not that it would matter to a non-believing ex-spouse but if they leave their believing ex-spouse and marry a fellow non-believer both they and their new spouse, commits the sin of adultery.
Remember what the disciples said to Yeshua about marriage?

I also believe there is a sin in lying to yourself and your partner/future spouse if you know (deep down) you are a natural celibate.
You are occupying the time in both dating and marrying someone who cannot live without the passion and intimacy of sex.
If you can happily be an aunt or uncle, if you can happily live without the possibility of ever becoming a parent, if you can do without the sharing of body, mind and soul, if you’re happy to just have friends, it is better to avoid marriage.
Be honest with yourself and the interested individual and tell them (in your own words) that a physical relationship and married life is not for you.
If you proceed, eventually it (the lack of intimacy and sex) will be a bone of contention between yourself and the person who does want the sexual intimacy and will probably lead to divorce.
While it’s OK for you to be in that state (a single divorcee), it will NOT be OK for your ex-spouse and they will have to wait (if they want to stay right with Yeshua) until you’ve passed away, to marry again.

The hypocrisy of (some) of those with ‘living’ ex spouses

FSAC_Polygamy hypocrisy

The irony and the truth of the matter is, many (whether they realise their situation or not) if they have a living ex spouse(s), their criticism of Polygamy has no validation and is hypocritical.
In Yeshua’s eyes, according to how He sees marriage, even under permissible will, their actions of marriage, divorce and re-marrying, is the equivalent of being a serial polygamist therefore putting them on the same level as someone practising simultaneous Polygamy.
Think about it, imagine parents turning up to an event for their children, who they’ve had with an ex-spouse.
If the male has moved on and re-married, while the ex-wife has remained single and he turns up with his new wife with his original wife also being present, how is that really any different ‘spiritually’?
It’s the same as a Polygamist being at the same event with his two or three so-called wives and their children?
It would be even worse, if the ex-wife has also re-married, then (known or unbeknown) to all 4 individuals, they are spiritually involved in a Polyamorous adultery situation.
As I keep saying, human beings really know how to complicate life.

The religious excuse makers

IARNR_Religion to Relationship

Even if we believe we are the most logical, individually minded, intelligent being, without any faith or beliefs, we were/are ALL religious in one way, shape or form.
If we have firm beliefs on anything, if we allow those beliefs to shape our thoughts, attitude and behaviours, causing us to have certain repetitive behaviours and routines which shape how we interact with others, we were/are religious.
We really only break free of that religion when we wake up and move towards the centre, to be in ‘relationship’ with Yeshua.
* I was young.
* We were both stupid.
* I didn’t really know them.
* We weren’t really in love.
* We just couldn’t make it work.
* We didn’t consummate the marriage.
* It was just a marriage of convenience (for the card, visa or citizenship).
* We made each other miserable.
* They are poor money managers.
* God wouldn’t want me to be unhappy.
These are just a few of the excuses many of the religious have, for getting divorced and re-married.
The permissible will of Yeshua contains a huge broad-way of options for those who didn’t exercise humility, allowing themselves (or seeking) to be advised, taught and assisted, prior to making the decision to marry.
They epitomise that saying, ‘marry in haste, repent at leisure’.
If a couple make a change and want a divorce, the laws (over the years) have been changed/relaxed to make those ‘irreconcilable differences’ a good enough reason(s) to divorce.
In addition to the more serious cases of those who get physical, continue with negative verbal onslaughts, can’t keep their business in their pants or their legs closed to others.
Remember Yeshua sees (legitimate male and female marriage) as marriage and hears the vows which the couple made, whether they consummated their union or not.
He expects us to exercise forgiveness and reconcile or to be patient, live single and wait to become a widow or widower, before re-marrying.
Or, for those who are natural celibates, to remain single, never to re-marry again.

Reasons for divorce
Having counselled both singles and couples, I have heard and experienced many things over the years.
As much as I mentioned the ‘excuse’ phrases of those who find themselves on their second, third or fourth marriages etc.
If you look closely at a divorcees situation and listen carefully to them, there are reasons why those individuals initially divorced.

  • You can’t work on a marriage on your own, it really does take two.
  • If you have unresolved issues from your past, it will cause problems in your present.
  • If you are a natural celibate, lying to yourself and your intended spouse will lead to major problems.
  • If you have problems with addictions, it/they will seriously ‘negatively’ impact your marriage.
  • If you are fighting hidden homosexual desires and not being honest with yourself, it will cause problems.
  • If you don’t have a real sense of who you are.
  • If you know that you are inflexible and like life, ‘just so’, not liking change.
  • If you are still hurting, you will have tendency to hurt others.
  • If you struggle with exercising forgiveness.
  • If you lack patience.
  • If you run at the first sign of a problem or obstacles.
  • If you pursue a relationship with someone who does not fully share your beliefs and values.

Having one or more of the above issues in your life will severely impact both you and your spouse.
Ideally, these issues and others, need to be resolved ‘before’ you get married.

Dispelling the religious myths
There are a few religious myths about marriage and partners in heaven, out there.
Remember what Paul the Apostle said about rejecting the love of the truth.
If you haven’t read my ‘Relationship vs Religion series‘ please make some time to do so, it explains the big differences between the two.
Yeshua’s original template was for men and women to exist in friendship.
Adam and Eve became intended marital partners but in the Garden of Eden they were initially just friends.
Their bodies were different, they had energised bodies which glowed, initially eating fruit and vegetables, only adding meat to their diet ‘after’ they were expelled from the garden.
There bodies did change after the expulsion but they were still different enough for them to live over 900 years.
The religious myth which certain religions have concerning elevations in heaven due to the amount of wives a man has or being giving a number of wives when they arrive, is well…you finish that thought.
According to the truth of the Word of Yeshua, our souls will be housed in similar bodies to what Adam and eve ‘originally’ had and we will all be in heaven ‘as friends’ one big unified family in love and peace.
That would obviously mean our desires, thoughts and emotions would change and if by chance we happened to ‘correctly’ have 2 or more wives or husbands due to being spiritually legally widowed, in between marriages, none would be our spouses in heaven, eliminating any room for relationship jealousies and maintaining peace within brotherly/sisterly love.
No need for marriage and procreation to keep the human race alive and going, as we will be eternal heavenly beings who (avoided, guilty-of-continual-sin judgement, the second death and the lake of fire) living with Yeshua EL Shaddai, our fellow saints past, present and future, the Holy Angels and the Heavenly winged creatures.

Solutions and conclusions
When I was asked questions about this topic, I felt people wanted me to firmly state the rights and wrongs, crucifying certain individuals in the process.
As I repeatedly keep saying, I have a strong and deep passion to assist and help people in the area of relationships and marriage.
I have been doing so for years, directly and indirectly via my online presence and the book (when completed) will give the additional details with viable workable solutions to help the single individual transition to successful dating and marriage, with after marriage tools to help and assist in the maintenance of a good marriage.
A saying of my mum and grandmother is “prevention is better than cure”, simply meaning, it’s better to prevent problems as opposed to attempting to fix them after they occur.
While I understand that sometimes, we are ‘caught up in the moment’ usually in rebellion to the good advice given (I’ve been there) it doesn’t change the fact that we were given good advice.
It is better to break off an incorrect engagement (as I did) rather than going into a marriage which you know, deep down, will end in a crash and divorce.

We are given enough pre-warnings some listen (as I did) while others do not and pay the price severely later down the line.
About 7 years ago (to the date of this post) I remember saying to my ex-fiance, that I didn’t want to be the one who would be “blamed” for making her leave her xenophobic parents and family behind.
I said I felt, if we continued the relationship (all those years ago) that she would have held it over me any time we had a major argument, and guess what? she admitted she would have.

Many, although their hormones maybe raging and their desires maybe deep, are just not ready for marriage.
They need to save financially and holistically develop themselves, I’ve created an online Index reflecting some of the topics I will be covering (in-depth) in the book, to assist singles.
While the Marriage series has obviously been provided to help those who are about to get or are already married.

IARNR_Awake not woke

We have to wake up to the truth that many, incorrectly relied on others to tell and advise them, that’s a problem with living a religious life, especially when those we listen to are spiritually incorrect.
Seeking Yeshua in relationship, reading His Word and obediently following, will give us the major direction we need but He also gives us room to help and teach each other according to His perfect will for the good, or (for His reasons) His permissible will for the bad.

So what about the so-called Christian who re-marries when their ex-spouse is still alive?
There was a case in which I was asked to read at a wedding and although I loved the individual and wanted to support them, I was torn, as it was their second marriage, while their ex-spouse is still alive and now they and their ex-spouse (as far as I know) are both married.
I chose to read the chapter concerning Yeshua and the Samaritan woman and encouraged the congregation (filled with many of the liberal religious) to seek Yeshua for themselves and seek to be in an intimate personal relationship with Him.
The religious conservative would have told that individual that due to their ‘divorce situation’ they would not or could not do it.
However, by that time, I had already walked away from religion.

People who are so-called Christians are doing the marry, divorce and re-marry thing, siting the excuses I’ve previously listed.
They are also being encouraged to do so, by seeing some of their religious leaders doing the exact same thing, so they believe it must be OK.
The Word of Yeshua is plain for all to see.

If you’ve stayed with me throughout the duration of this post, you would already know my answer to that.
I personally (as much as I’m not a spiritual eunuch) Yeshua forbid, if I were to get divorced, I would not find myself marrying again until AFTER Lady G passed and I’m not sure if I would bother anyway.

As for those who call themselves Christians who perform the marriage service for divorcees.
Go back to the foundation, your first love and take a good look “again” at what Adonai said.

I want to perform ‘real marriage‘ ceremonies in the near future, If Yeshua wills, to marry couples from near and far, however, I WILL NOT be knowingly marrying any divorcees.
My service will strictly be for singles, widows, widowers and those who have come out of alternative lifestyles, who are ready to live the rest of their lives according to Yeshua’s perfect will.

I’ll say it again, the remaining of my life is all about operating in the perfect (not permissible) will of Yeshua.
I have to answer to Him and before I see Him on Judgement day, I’m doing all I can to keep my heart and mind open to Him, so that I remain in His Book of life, even if it means I’m ostracised by the many, for keeping His word.

What about those who have realised their error?
Well, I can only go by Bible references for my view on this serious matter.
There have been Old Testament Bible references of people (who married incorrectly) getting a divorce, in order to make it right with Adonai.
Do you think the Samaritan woman went back home to live with number 5?
I don’t, I think she would have probably lived the rest of her life single, but that is just my opinion.

Yeshua knows all things and if individuals want to make it right with Him (not me or anyone else) they will find a way to de-tangle themselves, either to return to their original spouse (if they can) or live on their own.
It’s obviously easier said than done and if children are involved, it becomes even more complicated.
Yeshua knows all things and if individuals are ready to be obedient to His perfect will, He will assist them to live so, co-parenting arrangements, housing and all will be sorted out eventually…nothing is impossible for Yeshua, according to following His Word (which He doesn’t deviate from).

However, if people have it in their heart (as my now diseased father-in-law) once said, to ‘take their chances’ with Yeshua and His judgement, then they will.
Life maybe good for that individual, why would they want to upset that, even if they are walking in the broad permissible will of God?
That is entirely up to them, I’m not telling people to go out and ruin their family setup, or do what I say.
I’m just eliminating excuses from those who may say, ‘no-one told me Adonai’.
As for those who are religious (following the religions in the outer red circle) none of this what I said in this post, would matter to them.
They believe they do what they want and there is no consequences to their actions, besides, they probably stopped reading this post, a while ago.

It’s everyone’s choice to listen and do or not, as the case maybe…or is it?

Look after yourself, think carefully about the possibility of marriage to that individual you are considering and if you’re already married, in your first marriage to another first-timer, look after your marriage.

Phil Gayle
G Man
Watiwa Mtoto wa Yeshua

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