Welcome to the penultimate post in the marriage series, post 12 in a 13 part series.
Giving a ‘different’ type of response, while sharing my observations, concerning celebrity couples in answer to the following question.
The above question was posed approximately 8 months ago (to the date of this post) by a Twitter member.
It’s a question which (over the years) has been an occasional discussion between Lois and myself.
My sister, has also joined the conversation sharing the fact that (like me) she is both disappointed and annoyed, when people in the public eye, who ‘seemingly’ marry correctly break up, usually joining that re-marrying, while ex-spouses are still alive, growing group of people.
Sometimes I look at some celebrities and think, I would really like to sit down and talk to them on a personal and private level, sometimes on my own, other times with Lois, depending on who they are and their situation.
I’m sometimes given dreams about them, with a theme or situation which, out of compassion and concern, causes me to pray for them, as I’m led.
Sometimes I look at certain female celebs and think, she needs some mentoring from Lois, in either a sisterly or auntie capacity.
I would also like to assist some males and females who I discern, would be humble enough to listen to some good advice.
Before I continue, I would like to add that I think the question is very general and implies that ‘all’ celebrity couples break up.
It’s a sweeping generalisation that I don’t agree with, while acknowledging that a large majority of them do end up divorced.
Jesus(Yeshua) orders and permits
I’ve implemented the above image (obviously taken from one of my Tweets) in a number of my posts.
It’s a declaration and admittance of me previously ‘incorrectly’ having an opinion about choice and the power of human free will.
Whether it’s in your heart to disbelieve, only acknowledge or truly believe (with actions) in Jesus Christ, it is He who orders and permits situations and the activities within life, both physical and spiritual.
The ‘whys’, the reason for the events which occur in our pre-destined pathways are sometimes known to us but most of the time we just don’t (currently) know the reasons why.
I suppose we will just have to ask Jesus, when we eventually see Him.
That being said, as this particular study shows, we have situations and choices presented to us but it’s placed in our hearts (for Jesus’ greater and more complex bigger picture) to take certain courses of action.
Our life stories are not complete until we die and in that time, there is room for changes and for the ripple affect of life, to positively affect us, helping us to move from past negative (sometimes repetitive) circular patterns to new positive linear ones, including most importantly, embracing salvation.
Jesus does change lives, whether we feel He changes the right lives, or helps to make those changes quickly enough for our liking, is purely subjective.
I never presume to have the answers for everything, I’m not Jesus.
However, as I said, you’ll have to pose your arguments, agreements and disagreements with Him when you see Him.
So why do so many celebrities appear not to have the ability to maintain long lasting marriages?
Negative contributing factors
I will go into more details in the book but to summarise, there are a number of contributing factors which work against celebrities having successful long-term one and only marriages.
- Their work, especially when it impacts on personal and family time.
- The behind-the-scenes activities which they participate in, as mentioned in my dear celebrity post.
- Ego inflation, believing the hype, that they are ‘more or better than’ everyone else.
- Being surrounded by yes-people and hangers-on, who give negative poor advice.
- Jealousy by the frienemies & relatives which surround them.
- Drug addiction, impairing clear understanding and decision making.
- Insatiable emotional and physical appetites, never being satisfied, always wanting more…greed.
- Giving themselves over to the enemies of the human race, who hate us and the union of correct marriage.
- Wanting to be adored to the level of worship.
- Not knowing who they really are and therefore what they really want out of life or a relationship.
- A refusal to deal with the past, abuses, betrayals of confidence and hurts.
- Finding it hard to accept and give forgiveness.
- Incorrectly believing that financial riches is a god which can help and give them what they want and need.
- Feeling the need to reciprocate attention and advances from third-parties.
- Refusing to accept that they are a natural celibate or have other sexuality issues which they need to deal with.
Prevention and cure
Being human means, no matter what job we have or what we do, we all have a mixed array of emotions and feelings, some which need to be held in check, while others need to be fully expressed.
It hurts me to see individuals spiral out of control, whether I know them personally or not, especially when it affects their relationship/marriage.
Mine is to help and assist the humble listening ear, with practical helps and tips which will assist them to make positive life changes, especially with regards to relationships and marriage.
The emotion of jealousy is something I’ve previously mentioned, it has been given to us to both regard the feelings of others and ‘should’ also help us to prevent us from taking our partners for granted; as long as we remember to treat others as we would want to be treated.
Some people in alternative lifestyles feel jealousy is an emotion to suppress or ‘attempt’ to eliminate and celebrities in general, have certain professions which seriously test their partners ability to deal with that emotion.
More(all) actors should take Neal McDonough’s stance and refrain from playing overt sexual love scenes, which obviously must have a positive affect on his marriage.
Relationships never run 100% smoothly for anyone, we are human beings.
However, whether we like it or not, we have to admit, that some of us (who have only been married once) have learned to adapt and grow better than others.
I don’t have to be a celebrity to know how to help one, having experienced highs and lows within my own marriage.
I was also engaged previously (in a mixed ethnic and cultural relationship) but have been with my wife for over 31 years in total and married for over 28 of those years…so I know a few things.
For those who will only listen to their ‘celebrity peers’ find the long-standing couples in your profession or who were in your profession, in the case of retired professional sports men and women.
As I said, they will also have had their problems but seek out those who are still on their first marriages, or who were married until they became a widower or widow.
They will have a wealth of experience and as they are (or were) in the same profession as you, they will give you that unique perspective to assist you and your relationship, to both prevent a problem or help you to repair and heal from one.
Some prefer to talk to people they know, others prefer strangers, either way, just talk to someone with real-life experience.
Some don’t have an ability to be unbiased but I most definitely do.
There was a case in which I was being spoken to by both individuals which I know personally and I was later indirectly (through someone else) accused of giving the other person too easy a time, due to my ‘closer’ association with the accuser.
I refuse to take sides in delicate situations such as relationship counselling, preferring to remain neutral and professional but it did teach me a valuable lesson in probably not hearing people out who have extremely close connections to me, especially if they can’t handle a balanced approach and expect favourable bias.
I also do not agree with discussing personal private situations with anyone (not even my wife) outside of the people who it immediately affects.
People who have the same ethics are available, you just have to look for them, especially if you don’t think that your experienced peers, can keep the details of your situation between you and themselves.
I just want to see strong, loving and long-lasting first marriages.
They are an example to enemies, friends, frienemies, associates and families alike, also to those who look up to celebrities, or (sadly) worship them…aka fans.
It shows those in society, those who are pessimistic or have a natural leaning towards negative thought processes, that it is possible, even in this day and age, to have a genuine loving marriage.
As a celebrity, you don’t have to suffer in silence or be another negative statistic in the news, you just have to exercise some humility and discernment to find someone to speak to.
It will only work if you both want it to, it takes two, speak to your partner and make an agreement to seek the necessary assistance you need.
Waitwa Mtoto wa Yeshua