I believe that the receiver should be the one to remember the time, gifts, helps and finances received, while the giver should give of those things willingly, without keeping a record sheet or broadcasting what they have done for others.
For me to share what I have done for others would be a contradictory, so I will not.
My philosophy is simple, if I can help others (whether by giving time, advice, resources, physical assistance, money or praying for) I usually do, with a pure motive, doing to others, what I would like to be done to myself.
I/we remember and are thankful and grateful for the helps given by friends, family, relatives, associates and even frienemies, over the years.
I’ve always been reluctant to ask for help from anyone (except Yeshua) as I have seen bad examples of those who receive help, having it thrown back in their face, usually when an argument ensues with the giver, or someone who knows the giver.
I’ve also witnessed those who give, negatively talk about the individual they have helped, behind their back.
In addition, I’ve seen and heard, the faithless, attack the beliefs of those with faith, who are in need of the occasional help, forgetting that everyone is in need of assistance, at various points in their life.
Sometimes those giving the helps (in whatever form) do not have the purest motives, sometimes they want to make a show or example of the receiver and sometimes they have a ‘g’od complex, seemingly believing that the receiver exists, due to their (negatively motivated) acts of benevolence.
Living the way we chose to live had (and still has its challenges) but when we have really needed help, others have come to our assistance…They know who they are, we are continually thankful.
It takes a certain amount of trust for me to accept assistance, as well as the exercising of humility and I have worked on that part of myself, with the understanding that it is also a blessing to receive.
There has been one area, I have scratched my head and thought long and hard about and that area has been, the lack of visual support of my work (from people I know) especially on the Blog.
Before I continue, please don’t misunderstand me, this isn’t a plea for interactivity or comments, this post is a public acknowledgment of what I/we have received, as well as the sharing of my thoughts concerning the possible reasons for why there is a reluctance from others to share and comment.
I posted a Tweet last year, asking the writers in my network, why they write.
I believe writers fall primarily into two distinct categories:-
- Those who write for themselves.
- Those who write for others as well as themselves.
The first category of writer, uses their word-processing app on their PC, laptop or pad, a typewriter (remember those) or pen and pad.
They keep their writing to themselves and have no intention of going public, neither to the people they know and especially not online.
Those of us in the second category, may use all or at least one of the above methods to share our thoughts (whatever the genre) but our aim is to share those thoughts with others, via social media, our Blogs or websites and hopefully, eventually through the publishing of our work.
No writer, who has shared their works online, in whatever form, writes for themselves.
They write to share with others, as well as for their own cathartic healing process, any other forms of self-gratification or to help others.
The work I share on this Blog covers two categories, as shared on the ‘about page’ and ‘introductory’ post.
The visitor stats for this site and the malicious attempts to take it down , clearly shows people are reading, bots are visiting, in short, others know of this sites existence.
However, it would seem only death, will move ‘some’ of the people I interact with online, as well as those I know off-line, to leave a comment, as in the case of the death of my father-in-law, last year.
Lois believes it’s down to the way I comprehensively write with balance, leaving little room for an opposing view.
To use a phrase she created from watching the US TV show ‘Heroes’, she likes to say that I have an ability to ‘Haitian’ those who would argue with me.
While I understand what she means, that is not necessarily always true, an example which proves my point is the rare comment I received for my ‘Consider this – The vaccine’ post.
Admittedly, some relatives believe that I share TMI and they are well within their rights think that way.
Others believe that the work I’m doing, especially for the FSAC relationships books, may leave them exposed.
Others have taken a stance and have told relatives, ‘If you don’t want to be upset, don’t read his stuff’. They are obvious by the fact that in face-to-face conversation, they occasionally show that they overlook the fact that I have been writing and sharing online since 2005 and working on books over the last few years. Usually posing the ‘what book is that?’ question, in their passive aggressive way of telling me they disagree with my work and neither read my Blog posts or regard them.
Or they purposely refuse to ask anything about the books or blog, preferring to talk about anything or everything else.
I’m not expecting those relatives/frienemies to ever read my work or purchase my books, unless someone famous does and gives my work a ‘highly recommended’ review.
I’m not afraid of others being in disagreement of what I’m doing.
I’m not afraid of the opposing views of others and (as long as there are no excessive expletives or blasphemous rants) I’m happy to validate comments which are not in agreement with my point of view.
My main reason for being a bit perplexed is in regard to friends, relatives and frienemies who verbally discuss various posts and topics with me, text or email me about those posts or topics but refuse to actually share those thoughts on the Blog itself.
They also, usually have the ‘have you watched?’ or ‘have you read?’ questions ready, to ask, concerning the videos, books and sites of other individuals and sometimes send me website links.
Are these isolated incidents? Is it just me? Or, do other artist (literary or otherwise) face the same situations, concerning the people they know?
Lois has said that maybe I should screen dump, take their comments and place them in the relevant comment sections on the Blog, however, whether she was joking or not, I’m not comfortable with doing that.
I’ve shared the reasons for why I share in posts such as ‘It’s important to remember’.
I’ve recently quoted, reminding others that while we are all unique individuals, we share similar experiences.
So, apart from those in blatant opposition to what I’m trying to achieve, why the lack of response from those who claim to be in support?
I can only think it’s maybe one or more of the following reasons:-
- They don’t like confrontation or opposition and leaving a comment may open them up to other readers, attacking their point of view, or maybe an online debate with me.
- They are simply not interested in any of the subject matters covered, prefer to keep it real and not comment, in the hope that I, ‘get the message’.
- They are suppressing a certain amount of jealousy, in believing they should be doing something similar themselves, thereby, having the ‘crab in the barrel’, ‘me first’ mentality, therefore refusing to give their support with comments.
- I’m a controversial character in some parts, maybe they don’t want to be seen associating with and in support of what I’m doing, by those who feel I should be avoided.
- I firmly believe that sharing is caring and when we post our points of view, we are helping a fellow reader to have a different perspective concerning the situation they find themselves in. Maybe people don’t comment because they just don’t care about the possibilities of helping someone else.
Whatever the reasons, I will continue to write, it’s in me, I can’t stop and I won’t stop.
I sincerely thank you for reading this post and if you don’t fit any of the above criteria, please feel free to comment on this or any of the other posts on the For Singles And Couples (FSAC) Blog.
Enjoy the rest of your day and evening.
Watiwa Mtoto wa Yeshua