“I don’t know what happened…he was fine before and as soon as we got married, he changed”.
“In the early part of our relationship she was OK but as soon as we became more serious, she turned into a bunny-boiler”.
“They are so possessive, I don’t have any room to breathe, they don’t want me to go anywhere”.
“Yeah, I’ve seen him get angry but now he gets physical”.
Have many times have you heard the above (or similar) said by a friend member of family or relative?
Have these words (or similar) ever been spoken by you?
Would you be honest enough with yourself to admit they’ve been said about you?
Usually those words are followed by…
“I just don’t understand what went wrong”.
“I didn’t see it coming”.
“Nobody really knows what a person is capable of”.
“I was tricked, they told me one thing and behaved totally different, when I committed”.
“What are you supposed to do if a person lies to you?”.
I have a theory, one which has also been confirmed by the honest people with whom I have spoken to.
I truly believe that we are all shown ‘early warning signs’ in our relationships, however there are many reasons why we choose to ignore them.
Pride, sexual frustration, believing we are powerful enough to change another individual, fear of loneliness, impatience, rebelling against good advice, attempting to get the attention of a third party, settling, ticking body clock and emotional immaturity.
The problem list is pretty extensive but we have to learn to exercise some humility, be objective, be willing to accept the truth, be patient and take a step back to observe body language and the small nuisances in the behaviour of that individual in all situations.
What a person does, speaks just as much (if not more) than what they actually say.
This is why ‘the village’ is so important, as family, friends, work colleagues all have an important role in helping us to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
Their interaction with the individual you are interest in, can help you to paint a better picture.
You obviously have to take into account, the possible jealousy, insecurity or dislike by others concerning that person, however, when it comes to a possible long-term relationship or marriage, should you be leaving any stone unturned?
Some call it ‘gut instinct’ others ‘a sixth sense’, it’s a God-given gift of discernment which we are all given.
We all have an ability to utilise it, especially if we follow ‘the solutions’.
If we are totally honest with ourselves and remove our ‘selective’ mask on our memory, we can admit that we did ‘see’ certain things before we fully commit to a particular relationship.
It’s a mistake (and extremely naive) to say we are only marrying the individual, we are not.
We go ahead and ignore the warnings at our own, sometimes detrimental and devastating, expense.
Phil Gayle – © Copyright For Singles and Couples, All rights reserved 2020.