Just for men

Greetings men.
SM can be frustrating at times because I see so many cries for help from men, especially on Twitter.
Some are direct and honest tweets but the rest are hidden within both the outrageous and the supposedly “funny” tweets.
I also see some truth/wisdom gems, from men and depending on who they are, the responses to those tweets can be low.
I understand that ‘the people’ love their own and SM really shows that Word to be true.
Many on Twitter in particular, ask questions and sometimes I wonder if they are actually asking to receive an answer.
Or, if their tweets are rhetorical click-bait, just to shock and get likes and new followers.
There are also those who are supposedly sharing their knowledge, some show they have some wisdom on certain matters, while the rest are just spouting the religion of Selfism.

People can be so hypocritical, many like to generalise, asking where are the men?
Claiming that the children, youth and young men in particular, need their fathers.
Then when men like me (I have 6 children alive) are active participants in the lives of our children.
When we show love, not just by hugs & kisses, but with the strong guidance of Yeshua and His Word, giving boundaries and sharing clear guidelines, of what is wrong and right.
When we share the truth, that love is an action (a verb) not just words.
When we show that love is ‘not’ about allowing your children to do whatever they please, it involves telling children ‘no’ at times.
When we teach them discipline, which also involves correction.
When we take our rightful place, there are those (the liberal religious, the haters of Yeshua & single people without children) who have so much to say ‘negatively’ about our ‘present parenting’ and strong leadership.

When rebellious children (we have a couple, 1 in particular) get to a stage when they ‘rightfully’ can do as they please.
Those haters, come out of the woodwork, with their “See…no one lives like that now” negativity.
Almost in joy, that your child/children, who you’ve put so much time and work into, are messing themselves up, like the rest of their peers, who were (sadly) not brought up correctly.
On the other hand, when our children are staying emotionally and spiritually healthy, on the right side of the law and blessed in their ways, those haters, never humble themselves and tell you that you did well, as a parent.

As a counsellor and (to date) having over 33 years of relationship experience, I have to keep in-touch with movements and trends, while knowing, with people, things never really change, they just use different methods, to complicate life and relationships.
I have sons aged 27, 24 and 19 having different characters and personalities.
I’m well aware of what affects them and the pressures (some self-inflicted) that they are going through.
Having encouraged and counselled individuals and couples both in and out of Christian circles, it’s a passion (and calling) of mine, to assist the humble, in need of guidance in parts of their journey of life.

Some points…

The elephant in the room, is a phrase used to describe a big situation or problem, which the individuals involved, try to ignore.
However, it’s obvious that the situation/problem needs to be addressed.
Men, exercise wisdom, tact and diplomacy, take the lead and address the situation.
Practice and exercise the art of good communication, which also involves listening.

The ‘man thing’ isn’t about how many women you can find and use, emotionally or sexually.
The real ‘man thing’ is about finding “the one”, getting to know her (before sex), choosing to keep her loved, safe and satisfied.

A lot of men want to be skilled in the art of sex, love making and pleasing a woman.
Men, first grow up and mature, learn how to be skilled at being honest, taking responsibility for your actions, being reliable and trustworthy.
When you master those essential, more important traits and characteristics as a man, it will be easier to please your ‘wife’ sexually.

‘Man-up’ & learn how to deal positively with rejection.
Understand and accept that no = no, especially in approaching a woman who is not interested in you.
When in a relationship.
Be protective without being domineering.
Be strong without being physically abusive.
Be caring without being stiflingly possessive.

Don’t make excuses and hide behind modernity, it’s not a good look.
Pray for and actively look for your future life partner, be proactive.
Don’t sit back and expect the woman to come and get you, now matter good you look and what you have going on.

If you don’t have the financial wealth but you’re working hard to build your vision or business.
Pray and ask Yeshua to help you to find that understanding woman, who also has dreams & visions to build ‘with’ a man.
Look for a woman who understands the importance of working ‘with’ her man, to establish those dreams and vision; they do exist.

If you have financial wealth, good for you.
Don’t use it as a tool to manipulate, to get what you want from women, inadvertently treating them as a prostitute.
Don’t hide behind your money, it’s a tool and a resource, not a personality replacement.
Resist the arrogance and urge to cheat on 2 or 3 women, just because you have the financial resources to do so.

Men, learn to be secure in who Yeshua has made you to be and what He has called you to do.
Believe it or not, you are here for a reason and you have purpose, seek out your purpose from Yeshua and build on the vision He will give you for your life, don’t judge yourself by the standards of others.
When you meet a strong independent woman, you will not be intimidated, you will appreciate the benefits she can bring to a relationship.
She will be attracted to you as you know who you are and why you are here.
She will understand the vision you share with her and will enhance that vision, assisting, not hindering.

If you’re interested in a mature serious relationship, leading to marriage, ask, then trust Yeshua to help improve your discernment.
Don’t judge all women by the same standards, there are women out there who will love you for who you are, not for the material things, which are secondary.

Both men and women need to understand, if you are adamant you have a ‘type’ and you have been single for a long time, or cannot consistently maintain a relationship.
You obviously need to take a honest look at yourself and realise there is a big difference between ‘wants’ and ‘needs’.
Understanding an accepting that truth, that ‘needs’ are more important, will give you a better opportunity to find ‘the one’.

As with having a ‘type’ men are much more focused on aesthetics than women are.
We are guilty of objectifying and categorising women based on body parts, ranking what we like and what we don’t like.
Work against that being your norm, women are more than looks, besides, when you get use to the looks, which you will, you will need more than that to keep you interested.
Obviously you need to find your life partner and wife attractive, however, how a woman thinks, what she believes and how she behaves are equally and arguably, more important than how she looks.

In this day and age, it’s harder for men to have a stable financial base, they want you to ‘singularly’ selfishly focus on money.
They don’t want you to find love, have a family and build communities.
Now more than ever, it’s important to be smart and think about how you spend and what you spend your money on.
Prioritising essentials, limiting waste and unnecessary spending, will help you in the long run.

Don’t compare yourself to other men, especially if you work hard.
It’s wise to think about longer term goals, where finance is concerned.
There is no shame in living (as Yeshua originally intended) staying in the family home until both you and your wife to be, saves enough to rent or purchase your own home.
Don’t allow ridicule from the ignorant, to force you into situations which will only add more financial pressure.

If you are maturing, serious about getting out of the family home and into your own.
If you are serious about having a quality relationship, you have to show and prove that in your actions, especially in how you date and who you decide to date.
Understand and know the difference between a girl and a woman, it’s not always dependant on age.

Men, the best way to look after your mental health and stave off the negative suicidal thoughts which affects so many, is to to focus on building your quadrant, especially your SQ, which involves developing your relationship with your creator.
Look at money as a resource, not a god to be worshipped or something to be chased.
Above all, do not allow yourself to be compared to anyone else, that is the quickest way to become emotionally and mentally unwell.

Cooking, cleaning & washing are basic life skills.
Gone are the days when a man’s wage was able to cover everything, enabling him to go out to work, while his wife looked after the home.
It’s been a rigged game for a long time, where only 20% have that ability; the positive thing which ‘should’ come from this, is that everyone should be looking to ‘partner’ in both the earning of finance and looking after the home.
Don’t expect to have a woman, who can cook wash and clean, when you can’t.
If she falls ill, you need to be able to look after her, as she would you, if you were ill.
Learn and improve those basic life skills, they’re essential.
She is not your second mother, she wants a partner, not an adopted adult son.

Self development is also essential, before thinking about leaving home, whether you want to leave home the ideal way, in marriage or as a singleton.
Look to develop all aspects of yourself, for all the obvious positive reasons.

Many men in the ‘80% bracket’, make life difficult for themselves by purposely pursuing a woman, who is only interested in a man from the ‘20%’ bracket.
Then when they’re rejected or made broke by her, they complain about women, using all the negative terms under the sun.
That doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, females like that are not doing the maths, they don’t realise that their standards or list of requirements for a man, needs some major adjustments.
If you’re not part of the 20%, leave those females alone, they need time to mature and realise how life really is.
Learn to be observant, take some time (in a non-stalker way) to study the woman you’re interested in.

Sex can cloud judgement, don’t look to get in between her legs, look to get to know her mind.
What does she think about God and life?
Does she share similar values and beliefs?
Is she looking for a partner or a replacement or 2^nd daddy?
Does she value hard work?
Does she value honesty and being faithful?
Watch how she carries herself, is she secure in her natural beauty?
Does she show signs of requiring high expenditure?
Is she a slave to fashion or cosmetic companies? For example, extra long nails are usually an indicator of someone who does not like hard physical work.
What’s her dress sense like, does she dress to expose herself?
There are obvious and subtle clues as to how comfortable and secure a woman is in herself, you need to learn how to read them.

Your personal hygiene and the cleanness of your clothes are also important.
Shower and wash regularly and take care of your oral hygiene, brushing and cleaning twice a day.
Do you know how to use an iron or a dry cleaning service, or do your clothes look like you’ve hit hard times and have been sleeping under a bridge?
Take good pride in yourself, how you look, your smell and what you wear, without being vain or arrogant.

Your diet, the media you consume, what you watch, listen to and read, all contribute to your thoughts on sex.
Obviously, the more sexually explicit the content the more you’ll think about sex.
If you are trying your best to think about being the best possible version of yourself, emotionally, spiritually and physically, you need to stay away from (hard and soft) porn.
The desire to feed your sexual appetite will only lead you from one bad situation to another, clocking up the wrong partners which brings more confusion and possibly being labelled as non-serious player.

Look after your health (what you eat and drink) and fitness, they will be important, not only for your longevity but also to give yourself the best possible chance of conceiving and having healthy children.

Utilise your sexual energy, work hard in your job, build your vision, build your business and your savings.

To keep yourself, your attitude and behaviour towards women right, imagine this.
If you were a loving father, who had daughters who you cared about.
How would you like a man to treat them?
Keep that in mind, the next time you see that beautiful creation of Yeshua, which is woman.
Treat them with honesty, care and respect, the same way you would want a man to treat your daughter.

Not all men are destined to be married and not all men want to be married.
If you stopped 10 men on a road, found out that they were single and asked if they wanted to eventually get married, probably 8 out of the 10 would say yes.
If you are part of the 20% who are not interested, don’t allow society or peer pressure to force you into a relationship which will only end in failure.
Life can be navigated successfully as a single adult.

The above, are just some of the points I’m covering in the book (For Singles and Couples ©) which is one of my 3 current works in progress.

Nothing happens by accident, you were led here by seeing a link on Twitter, a search engine result or receiving a link from someone who cares about you.

I have a passion for people (not just my children) living their best lives, especially concerning relationships.
On my dads side I am the eldest grand-child of approximately 20 cousins and on my mums side I’m the 4^th eldest of approximately 40 cousins.
The men on both sides of my family, especially on my mums side, believe, just because we are equipped to sexually please women, that women should be taken for granted.
I’ve witnessed this, especially with my uncles, many of which have 2, 3 or 4 women who have had their babies, first, before even considering marriage.
That could have easily been me but God intervened.
Out of the cousins, I was the first to get baptised, the first to get married and have children, after, being married.
I was the first male to have all my children with one woman, even surpassing my uncles, which I find sad.
I’ve lived through seeing enough relationship explosions and was determined not to be yet another negative statistic.
Anthropology became an interest from a young age, I studied the theory, learnt from the surrounding environmental realities, learned from those outside of the family, who had good relationships, shared my agony uncle advice from my teenage years up and went on to study more about the human condition, learning how to unlock my God-given gift to counsel and encourage.

If you are born before 1984, you can view me as a brother who is able to give you friendly and wise advice.
If you are born after 1984, you can look at me as a father-figure or uncle (whichever you more feel comfortable with) who is here to give you wise advice and guidance, sharing the benefit of my experience, to assist you in making the best possible decisions for yourself.
Either way, I’m here for the men who want to learn and grow, not only to show and grow but to learn myself, we should never stop learning.

Leave your comments below, openly or anonymously and also let me know, if you would like to chat via email. We can also connect via Twitter.

From what I’ve seen in the more serious relationship based documentaries, relationship based reality TV shows, SM posts and the real-life (offline) scenarios I’ve encountered.
I know that many born from the 1970s onwards really do need help, especially in the area of self-development and relationships and I thank God that He has given me the tools to help others, to help themselves.

Thank you for reading.
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Have a great week.
Yeshua’s blessings.

Phil Gayle
Watiwa Mtoto wa Yeshua
G Man

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