Greetings reader.
I hope you are well.

Lois and I recently watched an Amazon Prime show ‘The one who got away’.
As with all these relationship reality TV shows, it was edited/scripted more for the entertainment value, rather than a sincere desire to assist the participants, with the relationship decision making process.
Also, as with most contemporary TV shows aimed at the under 30s, those partaking were from various backgrounds with both regular and alternative relationship preferences…End times.

It obviously gave us a lot to talk about and admittedly laugh about, while also causing us to have some sobering moments, as we saw some disturbing trends which seem to be a serious problem with the particular demographic they are targetting.

I took a look at the twitter opinions afterwards, seeing tweets in equal support and against the show.
One particular Tweet was calling for people to boycott the show, as allegedly, the basis of the show was stolen by the producers, from a Twitter user, without giving special mention or credit.
A serious allegation if true and a big grab for attention for a friend, if not.
Having had a well known UK TV presenter take an idea of mine (while following her on Facebook) and utilise it for a segment in her morning show, I know how that feels.

The premise of the show, is to focus on people who are single and not doing well in the relationship department.
People who are open to meeting up with past acquaintances, friends or partners, looking to see if there was something they missed.
Or to give an ex, another chance to work out the reasons for their initial break-up.
Sadly, as usual, the format was rushed, especially the end and we also spent a lot of time fast-forwarding pass the segments which were there for the shock factor or controversy.

It’s becoming increasingly obvious that the majority of participants of these shows are not only using them to boost their brand.
They are also using them to satisfy their urges for fame and celebrity status and frankly, many need counselling sessions.
This truth is backed up by doing searches on the participants, only to find out that over 80% of them are no longer together and an even smaller portion of the remaining 20% don’t elevate their relationship to marriage; which is very sad to see.

This April just gone, marks 32 years since Lois and I have known each other.
We were good friends for just over a year (I was previously engaged) but after ending my previous relationship, Lois and I were drawn closer in our friendship.
We started dating 31 years ago to the date of this post and are obviously still together today.

FSAC_Dating with intent

There is a big difference between having crushes, liking someone as an individual and lusting after an individual.
I’ve experienced puppy love with a girl from Hong Kong, my first proper girlfriend was from the Caribbean island of Martinique, then an even more serious relationship with a girl from Nigeria, followed by my first ‘adult’ relationship with a Kurdish girl from Turkey, who was also my fiance for just under a year.
In amongst the immaturity and relationship growing pains, I always knew I wanted to be a guy in a long-term maturing relationship.
It could be called boring or lazy but after the ‘excitement’ I saw from the majority of adults around me (including my parents) I wanted to move away from what they experienced and be different.

One of the biggest differences with Lois, wasn’t her genealogy, although similar to mine.
It was the fact that we were both very good friends before having anything called a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
I’ve been candid about my experience, finding out this truth along the relationship safari.
You could have a similar background to your partner, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will comfortably gel with their family/relatives, like them or they like you.
Fortunately, although she is a family girl, being the youngest of 5, she didn’t make the mistake of giving her siblings more leeway in her relationship decision making process than was necessary.
An independent thinker who places a focus on me, as I do her and that was and still is, a match made in heaven.

Being only 6 months older than her, as friends, we were able transition our late teen years, into our twenties and began dating 4 days after her 20th birthday.
It was obviously a sweet-spot age for us, both enjoying each others company, still young enough to be flexible in our wants and needs, while old enough to begin to know what we wanted, without compromising on our essential core values.
She wanted one and done and she got it, I wanted someone who could take a long-term journey with me and I got it.

In my opinion the older people get, unless they have had a good long-term marriage or relationship previously, the harder it is for them to be flexible to accommodate the needs of another individual; that’s why so many over 35s are single.
If that fixed rigidity works for them and they are happy being single, fine.
If not, some discipline needs to be exercised in the areas of patience, honest self-reflection, a more realistic deal-breaker list and developing a forgiving nature, in order to develop the flexibility needed to find that special person to make ‘good’ compromises with and share the rest of our lives.

31 years later, I’m still in love with my best friend and glad I/we, put friendship first.

What do you think?
Please share below.

Phil G
Watiwa Mtoto wa Yeshua
G Man

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