Born in the ‘70s in Islington, North London, a son of unmarried teenage parents, Phil is the eldest of 7 children (by his mother) and 3 (by his father).
Being moved from his native North London (just before starting school) his school years were spent in East London.
His single-parent background didn’t prevent him from enjoying life and school, loving all subjects and having a memory of writing his first ‘short’ book in his mid-teens.
He wasn’t brought up to be prejudice or xenophobic, having friends from all walks of life, ethnicities and colours.
Liking (crushing on) girls of all colours and backgrounds and although he hadn’t witnessed “successful marriages” on the maternal or paternal sides of his family, from around the age of 14, he knew he wanted to eventually have some form of long-lasting permanent relationship but not necessarily marriage.
That ‘knowing’ led him to his first puppy-love relationship with a Chinese girl from Hong Kong, that was followed by relationships with a Caribbean girl from Martinique, followed by a girl from Nigeria.
It wasn’t until going to college to study I.T. that he met his first serious girlfriend, a Turkish born Kurdish girl, who he was later engaged to.
However, he eventually had to end the relationship, after growing tired of dealing with her prejudice and xenophobic parents and falling out of love.
Growing up, he witnessed his mum struggle (at times) to bring up him and his 6 siblings on her own, without any consistent and definitive support from either his dad or ex stepdad.
Phil not only has a deep love for his mum, he has a sincere appreciation & respect for women and the role of women in the family and society in general.
The love and appreciation for his mum, enabled him to open up, communicate and listen to the first woman in his life, shaping his empathy, intuition and emotional maturity, from an early age.
The lack of consistent male input also made him (in his mid to late teens) very critical (and condemnatory) of men who didn’t fulfil their roles in their families.
That condemnatory attitude had to change, and having experienced some serious life situations (in his early twenties) he was able to develop empathy and understanding, realising that both men and women make poor choices and mistakes and that life regularly throws up some very difficult situations for us all to deal with.
During his school and college life, Phil was a natural encourager, listener and giver of advice, even when the advice was not necessarily asked for.
Although also studying English at advance level, he coasted through the subject and preferred to focus on the ‘easier’ route of I.T. going onto study Computer Science before having to leave his degree early, due to financial struggles and a living/family situation.
Phil met Lois (an English born girl with Jamaican parentage, like himself) in 1990 while working part-time, when he was at college and uni and they started dating in 1991, after he ended his relationship with his ex-fiancée.
In 1993 they became born-again believers in their early twenties and both he and Lois continued to grow and develop spiritually and emotionally.
They were engaged shortly after Lois was baptised and in July 1994 (when they were both 23) they got married.
His life experiences, interaction with people from all walks of life in various situations, and more importantly his (eventually realised) God-given gifts & calling to serve, counsel, teach and lead, saw him appointed as assistant Pastor, around the age of 30.
Thereafter, a few years into serving as an assistant pastor, he (and Lois) were appointed the head of the married-couples department.
Time, experience, growth, revelations, further studies and the direction in which things were going at that Church assembly, caused him to reflect and seek ‘clarity’.
In 2006 he made the serious decision to move away from religion and it’s man-made constraints and was determined to grow in ‘relationship’ with God.
He didn’t throw the proverbial baby out with the dirty bath-water, he firmly kept hold of the baby(his belief and love for God, following His Word and loving people)…whilst throwing out the dirty bath-water(man-made rules, traditions, rituals, pomp and ceremony).
He still believes in the Sovereignty of God and His word, that humankind needs Salvation, love and forgiveness.
As well as the important truth that humans need to exercise love and forgiveness towards each other.
However, he doesn’t feel the need to be religiously muzzled, controlled or to belong to any one particular organisation, preferring to be expansively Kingdom-minded as opposed to being limited & religiously assembly-minded.
His love for people and understanding that people are at various levels of understanding and experiences enables him to exercise all his life experiences to share what he knows, in order to help those who will listen…whatever their beliefs.
A father of 8 (having 6 children alive on earth) and being married since 1994, with all that entails, enables him to share compassionately and passionately on topics covering the emotional, spiritual, physical and sexual aspects of relationships, without gag-orders, embarrassment or ignorance.
He hopes to continue to do what he has always done…listen, understand, consider, then communicate wise counsel, to assist others wherever he can.
An Extended Introduction.
The FSAC (For Singles And Couples) Blog was expanded in the summer of 2019 to also include the additional free service & Blog IARNR (It’s About Relationship, Not Religion).
More information can be found on the Amalgamation Post.
The Amalgamation also coincided with a change of project slogan, to “It’s all about relationships”, details here.